articulations

Mittless

2012-01-26T18:40:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be Mitt Romney.

Let's think about Mitt Romney for a little bit. He's rich, he's white, he's Mormon, he's got good hair and an attractive family. Actually - some of his sons are kind of hot. I say that not to chitter chat but because in all reality the success and number of positive qualities about one's progeny tends to affect how one feels about his or herself. And did you know he himself was born in 1947? That makes him 64 - I wouldn't have guessed a day over 57. Mitty Mitt Mitt has a JD and MBA from Harvard to accompany his BS from Bringham Young. Even though he's a Republican he became the Governor of Massachusetts (ie. not as easy as being Repub. and being Gov. of KS) in 2003. Aside from the fact that his real name is Willard - it's pretty damn good to be Mitt Romney.

Or at least it was pretty damn good to be Mitt Romney. Then Willard/ Mitters decided to run for President of the United States - to be elected in 2012. And then so did a lot of other people. Crazy folk! Mitt probably surveyed the field and went, "crazy pizza guy, crazy lady, boring guy, idiot from TX, even more conservative than me!, corrupt scumbag no one likes, Chinese-loving smart guy, super old smart guy no one listens to.... I've got this in the bag." And in all honesty - knowing politics - that was not an unreasonable idea. When Pres. Obama got elected in 2007, Mitt Romney knew what he was doing with his next four years. Done and done. His term as Governor was up, a black guy just got elected President - in four years people would be ready for cracker time again. A completely reasonable thought.

But then - as we have all learned - people AREN'T ready for cracker time. Republicans DON'T want Mitt - in fact as Jon Stewart has repeatedly pointed out - it seems as though Republicans want anyone BUT Mitt. A N Y O N E. This being the case, I wonder how many times Mitt has been laying in bed or walking down the street or looking out the window and thought, "what the fuck is wrong with people?" I wonder if this process has been entirely stupefying to Mitt. I wonder if he knew this was coming or if was taken aback completely.

My feeling is that Mitt kind of thought this was a game at the beginning. He just kind of laid low and let the novice candidates mess up enough until they eliminated themselves....like a good contestant on Big Brother or The Bachelor. He has played the slow-hand as they say. And then there were four. Mittsky, The Newt, Old Paul, and Rick Sanitorium. Mitt was in the lead - the leader - it was finally apparent that Mitt SHOULD and WOULD win the nomination. And then South Carolina happened and Mitt is back to "WTF Joe Smith?? What in the lowest rung of Mormon heaven is going on!? DOUBLE U TEE EEFFFFF!!!!!????"

Here's the thing Republicans are an interesting and special group of folks. Maybe not Republicans - but Conservatives - who happen to be primarily represented by the Republican party. Well really they are both interesting - but that's not the point. The point is - eight years ago I read a book called, "Moral Politics" by cognitive linguist George Lakoff. The book explains the language usage and patterns of conservative leaning folk versus liberal leaning folk and how that language is used in campaigns. It's a genius book. What I suggest is - more than language - of which people tire of quickly - people - especially conservatives - like action. Here's the twist though - speech is sometimes the words/content and other times speech is an action.

What Stewart pointed out and what Newt NAILED in the South Carolina debate was speech as action. Not only did he SAY f-you media - he basically did it by shutting down John King. Here's Mitt's problem.... Mitt is a nice guy - Newt is a total ass. He's an ass. He knows he's an ass - he's that guy - the guy you get in an argument with at the party that instead of arguing the point just tries to make you feel like shit. Newt's the guy that gets girls to like him by making himself seem indispensable and probably running them so far into the ground that they have no self-esteem left to leave when it's obviously time. But because he's SUCH an ass - instead of leaving the poor girl - he'll just cheat until he gets caught and then forget about it. ASS. On the other hand - as Saltine Cracker as Mitt is - he's a nice guy. He probably has his negative thoughts and has maybe slipped an "oh Joseph" every now and then - but really- even though he's completely out of touch - he's just white and rich and mormon and nice.

Source: boingboing.net via Jessica on Pinterest

The problem for Mitt is (as I continue) Republicans don't feel nice right now. They liked Newt bitch-slapping John King at that debate and they're going to enjoy it each time he does it for the next while. And for whatever reason - it seems as though many Conservatives or Republicans don't really feel the need to rigorously make sure they're being coherent or consistent in their political beliefs. OR really.... people just don't understand Republicans/ conservatives.

I suggest - there are some Repubs. who are genuinely repulsed by Newt and they will not vote for him no matter what. But there are some Repubs (as is the same with all people) who will ignore certain aspects of beliefs in order to get what they want. And what they want right now is to feel vindicated. They want to feel powerful and strong again. Palin got too touchy feely. Perry too stupid. Cain unknowledgeable and too scandalized, Bachmann was too weird - no one really took her seriously, Pawlenty too boring.... and it goes on. Mitt has stayed in the running for logical reasons as have Paul and I think Santorum's elimination is just a matter of time...but Newt....Newty Newter Newts - he is still in because he's sassy. Repubs are eating it up because it makes them feel powerful. But to Newt he's being an ass and he's cashing in on it. This is all child's play for Newtsky. He can lie straight-faced without flinching because he's an asshole. He can portray himself as something he is not because he does not give a shit about lying. Lying is a means to an end. In all honesty I think Newt is just having fun. I don't think he even cares if he wins or loses. He's well-seasoned and all of these debates are child's play for him. He's a great speaker, he's articulate, has a strong memory and knows his shit. He's not going to get tripped up in the same ways other potential nominees did. No. Mitt will actually have to take him on.

But how does Mitt do that? How can boring cracker mo-mo take on Newts? Nice guys - unless they are super calm and super super smart AND witty cannot beat an ass in a debate. The Ass will always go for the easy point. Mitt will be reserved and if he isn't - when he does trade punches - he always looks like he's on the defensive. Republicans don't want that feeling. Republicans want to be the dominator (see earlier referred to book). Further, being defensive and stiff won't work against Obama and Repubs know that too. But Repubs also know that in the end Newt can't beat Obama either. He may get some jabs and what not - but in the end - people don't actually LIKE Newt - they just like that he can bitch-slap people with words and that's fun to watch. And Obama has the kind of style that Mitt wishes he had and Newt would end up looking like a hot-headed bully ass.

The best and smartest Republican ticket would be a Huntsman/Paul ticket in some order. I'd prefer Huntsman as Pres. and Paul as vice - but whatever. This election - this next election is going to be a cluster of all clusters if one of them is not on the ticket. I think Huntsman has a good chance of getting a VP nod - which is hopeful. But really... if you're Mitt Romney right now - what do you do? Would you be happy as VP? Is there hope that people will get their heads out of their asses and never vote for Newt again? If you're Mitt Romney right now - what do you do?

The Being Awesome Plan

2012-01-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

I've referred to Nick and I taking parenting to what we see as "the next level." Thus far we've parented and taught by example or general structure and consistency. We haven't given a larger narrative or set out a specific code of behavior. I don't mean for that to sound as if we're all loosey-goosey. The kids know we have high standards and it's possible we border on being rigid or too strict at times. However, we haven't had a coherent, pro-active approach to behavior or character structuring. What I introduce to you now is basically our approach to giving the kids a consistent reference point for their behavior and character.

It is called The Being Awesome Plan because that's essentially who/how/what we want to be. We want to be AWESOME! The meaning is more complex than is colloquially noticed - but - it is an idea the kids can understand and they know what we mean when we use the word. Essentially, we want to help the kids (and ourselves along the way) be awesome people. It encompasses a lot and it's a huge undertaking, but we want to equip them with everything we can. There are many roles and tasks for parents - but surely one is to give your kids the tools to be great humans...to be awesome. That is what we hope to do in a systematic way.

The first idea we want to use as a guiding reference for the kids is that being awesome isn't easy, that being great and doing good isn't easy - but that they can choose to be awesome, great and good. "It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." (JK Rowling, HP 1) We want them to know that they won't just be awesome without effort. We want them to know and be prepared for hard work and focus through this year. Some of the characteristics and behaviors we work on are going to be harder than others. We want them to be ready for that and we want to use this idea as a reference point. None of this, "well I'm just lazy." "Well I'm just _______." We have to work to be better than we are naturally. Humans can be a nasty sort if left to our unrefined natural states. We have been subtly and not so subtly (as needed) reinforcing this idea.

Second, we are using a two prong approach for weekly development: manners and characteristics. We introduce the manner and characteristic of the week each Monday night so we have the whole week to work on it. (We have the kids for a full week every other week so it makes organization easy.)
1. Manners: I found a list on Pinterest of 25 Manners all children should know. I've used that as inspiration to pick one 'manner' to work on each week. I will stray from this list and embellish on descriptions when necessary. But I think it's a decent list and a good start.

What I especially appreciate is that with a week to focus and think about a simple action we get to the real reasons why we do these things. For example - we say please as a symbol of acknowledgment that we are asking someone to take away from their own time and energy and finances to help us or boost us up in some way. I added the second portion of this 'manner' to tailor it for our home....we have patience/waiting issues here. It was important to be able to stress both aspects of "please."

2. Characteristics: The original idea (that has yet to happen due to time constraints) was to create a list with the children of 25 characteristics necessary to be awesome. Nick and I of course would have written a list beforehand but we want the children to have a sense of ownership in who they are - we want them to think about what it means to be awesome and to feel they are actively choosing these things. We will still do this - we both feel it is imperative - but it just hasn't happened yet. The second component of this second component is that we want to synchronize the characteristics with the manners as much as possible. Week 1 Manner: Say Please, Week 1 Characteristic: Patience. Week 2 Manner: Say Thank you, Week 2 Characteristic: Gratitude. You're all bright folks - you get the idea.

Again - being able to focus on one idea each week has been essential. Week 1 - patience isn't just about waiting - it's about not turning toward negativity. We needed the week to first point out and acknowledge that we have to wait...and point out those moments - and then to focus on the attitudes during those times. Week 2 - we needed the week to be able to say that gratitude is not just a feeling of being pleased or relieved but also that we act out of that emotion and return kindness to others in appreciation for what they have done.

Both weeks we have done this I have looked up the definition of the word - typed it out and written some reflective questions to generate a deeper discussion about these characteristics either at or after dinner. (bonus parent points for teaching/practicing self-reflection!) The first week I went a little over their heads - I had about ten deeply reflective questions about patience. My bad - misjudged this audience. This second week I wrote the definition, broke it down as simply as possible - included some good quotes - and then asked four increasingly difficult questions. I think the quote was good - it provides an opportunity for the kids to hear/read another interpretation/idea about this characteristic and then give their take. As for questions this week - the first was simply a comprehension question - "Is gratitude an emotion, an action or both?" It went from there.

Has it worked? YES! The kids have taken to it SO well. Having something printed out and hanging on the corkboard in the livingroom provides something tangible to look at and refer to and helps them remember. Having just one/two things to focus on each week helps SO much as well. We do not discard other ideas/manners, at all. But this prevents us - as parents - from harping on the kids about every little thing all the time. It helps us feel that we have a plan and we're making progress, real and actual, one week at a time. We get less overwhelmed by the children's ill-behaviors as a whole knowing that we will get to it in May or June and right now we're working on this.

The last thing we're doing is giving out awards on Sunday night.

The awards don't necessarily have to correspond to that week's foci. Cha had a particularly hard time with the practice and attitude of "please" and it took some work for her to nail it - so we wanted to make sure we acknowledged her hard work. We also noted her helpfulness because she hasn't always been super helpful but she had been that week so we wanted to encourage that. You get the idea. As for O - he'd been moaning about long division for two weeks. I finally had an epiphany about how to help him understand and I said on Sunday afternoon - "Okay kid - you and me - we're going to sort this out.'' He didn't have homework - but he didn't complain, whine or resist at all. It took twenty minutes - NOT exaggerating. So he got division because coming to an understanding about it was a huge accomplishment for him. And obedience... he said "yes maam" and "okay!" all week. There was only once or twice (literally) that he disobeyed .... and one of those was like a half disobedience..... he was an angel child.... it had to be noted.

I tossed in the prizes for a surprise. They know they don't get them every week - nor would I want that to be a practice - but you know - we love them - so it's fun to get them things that will give them even momentary happiness. (again - thank god for the $1 section at T-get.) I do feel the awards are important though. After a week of intense behavior and morality correction - it is important the kids know that we pay attention to them, notice their great effort and behavior, appreciate it and care. After a week of being reminded that they need to correct things - it is important they are strongly affirmed that they are wonderful and do things well and are great.

The final thing is - I'm keeping it all in a notebook to track and collect over the course of the year. Each week I will file the manner form, characteristic and once we give the kids a new award - we put the old award in the binder. I think it is important to leave the old award up until there is a new one so the kids have that affirmation throughout the week. We'll look at the notebook full of awards and lessons at the end of the year and reflect.

That's our plan. It kind of sounds complicated - but it's not really - it's simplified and systematized SO much about teaching the kids how to be awesome people that it has really been a relief. Also - I began reading "The Whole Brain Child" - I HIGHLY as in - CANNOT recommend this enough!!!! this book to any parent out there. IT IS A MAGIC BOOK!!! Once I understand a system I can relax and know how to work with it. Kids' brains are systems that as adults we are disconnected from even though we interact with them all the time. Their brains work similarly but differently than our brains. With the understandings this book has given, I've been able to relax around the kids more and I think (I hope!) be a more effective parent.

Long post - but it's a big and important plan. Alright - just sharing. Cheers.

New

2012-01-17T21:21:00.003-07:00

new year
new job for nick
new job for me
new perspectives
new parenting goals
new wake up time
new bedtime
new ideas
new skills
now prospectives
new opportunities
new challenges
new strengths
new power
new responsibilities
new juggling
new struggles
new sources of awesome
new needs for support
new motivations
new life

Love Wall

2012-01-15T22:35:00.001-07:00

I've been seeing this idea popping up on Pinterest. Essentially you jot down memories and put them in a jar throughout the year. I thought I'd share what we're doing. This idea came to us one day while looking at our ugly brown doors. (Note to self - ask manager if we can paint them a fun color or even white!)

Basically we put butcher paper covering the length of the door and we're going to write notes to each other and memories and great days etc. throughout the year. It's sweet, it's simple and it's exactly the kind of disgusting cheesiness we promote around here.

An alternative would be to have one somewhere that guests could sign or in the kitchen for whatever. Really - you could use this for a variety of things.

Homemade Spa Night!

2012-01-14T19:47:00.001-07:00

Well - (more or less) I've got a full time job. I teach English at a fancy language school here in Denver. I start Monday - at 8 am - WHOA early! I've decided I should do my pampering now before things get way too busy. The man is out of town on business and the kids are with their mom this week so I've got the place to myself. Last night I painted and that was lovely - but tonight - SPA time! You'll not be surprised to know that every single one of my homemade spa treatments come from recipes I've found on Pinterest. Could have seen that coming a million miles away eh? Let's get down to bid-nis.

First things first - what does one drink when one is home-spaing? A smoothie - healthy - of course. But - what does one drink when they got a job and they've been pinching pennies beyond belief for a very long time? A smoothie with rum in it. Ole! (watch out - no makeup there!)

Alright so what are we tackling tonight?
I'll start with my nails - they are GROSS. They were grown out and beautifully painted and then I watched Dr. Who or West Wing and got immensely stressed out and chewed them all off. Gross - I know. Anyway - so now they look like this (see picture) and serious work needs to be done. I'm not blessed with naturally strong or beautiful nails - but I'm determined. I'm a woman in her upper twenties - it's time to get my act together. To create a good foundation for growth I need to strengthen my nails - and wouldn't you know! I found a recipe on Pinterest for DIY nail strengthener. So - nails first.

Next will be face. I have two fun things to try for my face. First - homemade Biore Strips and second a mask. (I'm not upset in the photo - I just couldn't move my face.)

Blackheads Be Gone!!!

NOTE! under NO circumstances should you let this stuff get near ANY hairs. As I removed it - it ripped out several hairs - OUCH! AND - don't let it get completely dry. It should be just a little pliable and moist when you pull it off, otherwise it has basically become like wood glue on your face and it hurts to pull off. (Notes about the second mask below) Also - be prepared for this stuff to reak. It does not smell good. But I do think it worked.

Then I'll do a hair repair mask to deal with this mess (see below) and then a body scrub.... ooh la la. My poor winter-artificially-heated-dried-out-hair needs some lovin' as does my skin. Winter is rough man - you've got to combat the harsh elements. I'm sure a haircut would go a long way - but we haven't gotten that far financially yet. (and as many of us have found out .... Great Clips is not an option.)

These are some of the mixtures: clockwise - the hair stuff at the top...retains the vinegar smell quite a bit. Then the orange/baking soda face mask. Last is the lip exfoliate - I accidently made a lot because it's just one part of each substance but I was a little heavy handed with the olive oil so then I had to compensate with brown sugar. **the hair treatment is in now - I think I'll do the lip stuff and then make the body scrub and then do the second mask... and then glorious shower time!

** A note on the lip exfoliate - do NOT do one part of each element. I would do a drop or two of olive oil, a small dime sized blob of honey and one tablespoon of brown sugar. The honey and oil make it too oily to be effective if you use one part of each.

Because I am working on my humility I will show you what the hair repair plus orange face mask look like. I don't know if this is what they are supposed to look like - but alas. Also - I don't know if it's because I did the pore strip earlier but I found the orange mask to sting a little bit. It could have just been the sensitivity of my skin. I'll try it again some time without doing the pore strip first and see how it feels.

I know - many of you are thinking about going lesbian - just to get with me at this moment. I'm hot - I know. Try to restrain yourselves - I know for a fact most of you have husbands...plus I have Mr. Man...so you know...it's just not going to work out.

No - not oatmeal cookies. Body Scrub. I don't see why the recipe calls for this much oatmeal. It calls for one cup of oatmeal, brown sugar and olive oil each...... next time I do this I'm cutting WAY down on the oatmeal....that just looks silly. Maybe I'll feel different after I use it - but it's hard to see how that's going to be super effective.

**Note on the body scrub. As I rubbed this shiz on the ole bod - most of the oatmeal just fell straight to the floor. I'm going to design a new recipe for this because I think it's worth it. My body does feel soft and lovely - I'm just not at all sure the oatmeal was necessary and I'd like it to smell better. I felt like a cookie before I got in the shower.

** SAFETY NOTE ** I got into the shower with the orange mask, hair repair and body scrub on - and it was an OILY MESS and then some. SO - be careful. I doubt many will do this all in one spa night - but if you do - and it's time to clean yourself - be careful - bathtubs/showers are not a great place to fall down.

I'll tell you this - I've shaved, plucked, washed, combed, lotioned and set up the humidifier in the room with some essential oils dispersing in the air. My hair feels soft and healthy - as does my skin. I feel loved and cared for. I feel pretty great. And now - I feel myself getting drifty and I'm ready for sleep. I'm excited to see Mr. Man tomorrow. I'm excited to see if my skin looks miraculously photo-worthy. Until then - sweet dreams and I hope you all try these things - they're great! and SO cheap!

Fancy Food Night

2012-01-14T04:43:00.002-07:00

Wednesday night was a special night. Why? That's a secret. (We're so coy these days.) You are well aware of how we do special here: food and wine and cheese and music. We cook and dance and kiss and grab tush and eat and woo! I'll tell you this - it was a special night for the man - that being the case, I pranced around town collecting items to eat that he loves: mushrooms, brussels sprouts and chilean sea bass. That's right - get back- fancy town! Here's a little run down of the night:

Music: Miami Horror
For a great dancey song I highly recommend "Holidays" - very very dancey, shakey, groovey.

(I'm not sure what is up with that guy's face - he looks a bit like an OOD. Very Strange. But still a very fun video and completely fun song.)

Wine: Sauvignon Blanc (Wine Cube.... we're not rich....still pinching pennies...not trying to get ahead of ourselves here.) CHEERS!

Appetizer 1:
Sourdough Boule
Brie
Manchego
L&D Appenzeller

Appetizer 2:
Oven Roasted Mushrooms. They were awesome. By 'awesome' I mean - they pretty much came out exactly like the website's photos. Win. Just go there for pictures. (my picture was blurry.) Also - I used Crimini Mushrooms - big ole guys - and chopped them up into smaller bits.

Main Course:
Chilean Sea Bass - we made our own basting oil and instead of whatever it is he put on plus salt and pepper we just did some chili powder. Let me tell you - it was fantastic. If we could afford it - I'd eat Chilean Sea Bass pretty much all the time. Next time we get fancy around here and go for some CSB I'll make a relish...it would be SO great!
Italian Parmesan Brussels Sprouts - I followed this pretty much to a T (whatever that means). A few notes - when they say "a little olive oil" really.... you really don't need a lot. I think I drowned ours a bit - they were still good - but a bit ...... oily. Also - the recipe says to "thinly slice" the sprouts. Don't. You'll be good with thirds or maybe even halves.

We skipped dessert. We were full and a bit tips and sleepy. It was a super tasty meal and actually really easy. It was a nice fancy night and aside from a very very minor issue regarding anxiety about not wanting to burn fancy fish, it was very low stress and fun and the apartment smelled wonderfully all night. Most importantly, the man felt loved and spoiled and was excited about eating some of his favorite foods prepared in new ways.

Into the New Year: Resolution Reset

2012-01-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

Following my post about what I hope to accomplish in 2012 a dear friend wrote me and sent a link to an article about resolutions. The idea that stuck out the most was: set very specific goals. I reviewed my goals and they are very amorphous, nebulous goals. It could be that I fear failure and thus don't make specific goals by which you can measure success or failure. Or it could be that I just see things in the big picture. It's probably a bit of both. But I want to be successful and have a feeling of improvement at the end of this year - so I think I need to force myself to do what is unnatural for me and pin myself down. I am revamping my goals! Here are the new resolutions (which I am supposed to share because of rule #4.)

1. Health:
I will work out at least three times a week for at least thirty minutes each time. I would like to believe this is drastically undershooting how I normally behave - but to be honest - I've worked out zero times in 2012. Maybe setting this humble goal/resolution will help me stay more realistic and actually keep my goal. I know once I start working out it will be easy to pass thirty minutes. But, anticipating how busy we get - I want my goal to be attainable.

Health is much more than just working out, it's the food you eat and the lifestyle you live as well as mental and emotional health. I want to make concrete goals for those too, but as I think about it I also need to not have too many goals (Rule #1). So, since I eat pretty healthily already I'm not going to worry about that. I've been pretty focused on mental and emotional health since the Great Eruption of 2011, so I think that's pretty much stuck on my radar. So - I'm going to keep this one resolution for 2012 health.

2. Academic writing:
A. I will actually proofread my posts - I will make sure there are no spelling errors and at least no obvious grammatical errors. I will check my grammar- I will even use a book to reference when I have questions. I will therefore actually try to make my posts error free in the way of spelling and grammar. I will not just regurgitate onto the "page" - I will actually work on my writing as I should have been doing this whole time. (I however can't be punished for breaking rules that I don't know are rules. Feel free to **PRIVATELY** message me if I continue to make an error.)

B. I will write at least one political post a month. I want to say "once a week" - but I don't want to overshoot. I know as I write about a topic the writing will become quicker - but getting started with substantive posts is tricky and takes some time.

3. New Music:
I will listen to one band or album I haven't listened to before each week. I say "I love new music" but I think I really love finding new music I like as opposed to hearing all kinds of new music all the time. But - I do want to keep challenging myself to listen to new bands etc. I get emails everyday about bands I've never heard of - time to start clicking those links!

For example - this week I learned about Lana Del Rey: I don't know how I've ignored her before - but I like her music. She has an interesting voice - good - with a deep character. She is interesting - uses interesting cinematography and an unexpected cadence in her rhythm.

Last week I got this song - via Rachel - thanks so much! Gotye, "Somebody That I Used To Know" - some of Gotye's other stuff is worth checking out too. I recommend "Eyes Wide Open" for a listen/watch.

And then there's this: Kimbra - the chick in the Gotye video - she's badass! THIS might be more impressive. Actually, if you watch all of the Live at Sing Sing Studios videos - you may just really enjoy what you hear.

4. Pinterest is for Lovers!
I will make one food item and one craft from Pinterest a month. This is a fun one. My friend issued a challenge on her blog and I took it. Easy peazy - it's the 11th and I've already made two Pin-meals. I made my own purse too - which should count as a superPin-craft. We'll see. Anyway - this is a fun one - but something that will keep me accountable to trying new things!

As for the rest of the goals I have for the year - I want to keep sewing, and I want to improve - but I want it to remain a fun thing - not something I have to do to fulfill resolutions. The parenting plan I referred to - it's already in the works - it's happening - it's not really a resolution - it's a thing - it's a plan - it's on - it's going. Only thing I need to do is blog about it. (get it - because that's what makes things real...? blogging? No? We've already done it for the first week....?) Finding a balance isn't really something I can make a specific goal about. I will search and I will work and I know I will. I'm glad I wrote it down because I do want to achieve a better balance - but how to make that a specific goal to attain? I have no idea. I think the same goes for the first questions I had, "how much pressure to put on oneself?" Those are aspects of life I want to understand, but I know I may not get the answers until I'm in my forties or fifties. I don't want to feel like a failure at the end of year for not understanding something I may not grasp for decades.

Alright - I've covered three of the four rules and now I just need to be positive about my progress. I'm going to use my big monthly desk calendar to track my workouts and music finds. My success at proof-reading will be found here as will my Pinterest activity and my political writings. I'm going to write these down in several places so I do not forget.

How To Look Really Cool

2012-01-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

You should know these tips are originating from 1993. But you should know these are the foundations of a long and fruitful life of being really totally cool.

We'll start at the top and work our way down:

1. Hair: Obviously hair is a crucial element to coolness. Hair sets the tone for the rest of what's going on. Hair is the attitude. Here we will note that donning an asymmetrical look goes a long way to demonstrating that you don't just part your hair in the middle...oh no...you're a little off center...you're no square. Also - if you can manage to get your pony tail to actually hang forward - as shown - bonus points. It's like bangs, but not at all.

Side note on the hair: You see my hair was held in a red fuzzy hairband - let's discuss this for a second. First of all - your ponytail-holder CAN match your shirt if you want...you have to be careful here- you don't want too much matchy-matchy, but it's an option. My shirt is a solid color so there weren't a lot of options. But let's say you have a patterned shirt - you could choose a lesser color in the shirt as your ponytail-holder color as a way to bring out and maximize that less dominate color. Second - a lesson we can learn here is: don't wreck your hair. Fuzzy is good because it doesn't break your hair. All too often girls and guys with really long hair sacrifice the health of their hair to ponytail-holders. Let's remember -we can put our hair fashionably out of our face without destroying it.

2. Shirt: Your shirt should have a certain level of trendiness....keep up with the times - don't get outdated. But you don't want to sacrifice class for trend. Here you'll see I was sporting shoulder pads...a very very hot early 90's look. However - you'll see I'm wearing red- a classic color - never out- always in - a nice All-American look - class.

(we'll come back to the bag)

3. Skirt: Your bottom half should never detract from your top half - they should be complimentary - accentuate each other. You'll see the theme from above has not been abandoned, classic with trendy: jean skirt (classic) in stonewash (trendy). Ten year olds don't really have to worry about butt size etc. but as you develop in your shape you may want to consider flattering pant shapes for your lower half.

4. Accessories: I'm wearing a canvas belt that is red, white and blue (I think) - mostly red. Accessories are ancillary to your outfit...unless you choose for them not to be. Maybe we'll have a separate post about them. The key here is - don't have too much going on at the same time. A bright red shirt with buttons, an awesome forward hanging top half ponytail, and a stonewash jeanskirt is quite a lot - don't make your belt compete or detract.

5. Extra Apparel: The Bag. It's important to love your bag/purse - as obviously I do here. Confidence in your purse/backpack gives you confidence in other areas of your life. Having a great bag/purse shows the ability to make good decisions thus giving you confidence to move forward and make other decisions in your life. This is an important feeling for a ten year old to have - or anyone - as they navigate the tricky social waters of elementary school and life. Will I play tetherball, foursquare or basketball today? Will I take the job promotion or quit work and go get a phd? Will I go to Prom with Jeff or Brandon? Decision-making confidence is needed in almost every area of life.

Side note about the bag: I saw this bag and immediately fell in love. Black leather with patches of different kinds of leather. Something was broken on the first bag I found (walmart.....) so I dug and dug until I found another one. The lesson here: if you find something you like - trust your gut - don't stop with substitutes. Find what you want - go for it - make sure you get it - and when you do - wear it with pride.

6. Pose: Posture is one of the most neglected aspects of looking really cool. Feel free to copy the pose above - it is one of confidence, sass, and utter bravado! Use it as you may need. There are other great poses too. The thing to remember is - do not stand with sloping shoulders, hunched back or your head in a position where it will give you double chins - this never exudes confidence or attractiveness - this is never a winner. You can do almost anything else. You could stand like a star, you could kick one leg out - like a mentally deranged gymnast and you'd still look better than if you were slumped over. The point it - confidence is always a winner. Whether you're 10, 20, 30, 40, and on.... confidence is key. When you walk away from the mirror in the morning whether it's your first day of 5th grade, freshman year of high school or college, your first day of work or your 12,329th day of work - whatever - feel good about yourself - or at least fake it.

Good luck on looking a little bit cooler now. You can thank me via note, shout out, comment, or by mailing me fuzzy red ponytail-holders.

Silvia says, "Happy New Year!"

2012-01-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

We introduced "Silvia the Happy New Year House Plant" into our home today. Silvia marks a new chapter. Silvia is going to live on the windowsill in the master suite. Silvia is pretty much a bad ass. Silvia is a symbol of celebration for a new year.

Sew Much!

2012-01-07T20:49:00.002-07:00

I'm kicking off this year with some serious productivity and I'm not going to lie - I feel pretty dog-gone great about it. I've been kicking ass and taking names in the seven days this year has ticked off and there are no plans or signs of stopping anytime soon.

This first project is from December - it is a 'pinspired' (should we make words for Pinterest things now -yes - I think we should) creation. For some unknown and god forsaken reason that can only be explained by a mild case of amnesia or momentary brain power loss - I forgot to repin the inspiration for this project. However - it's not hard to explain.

Coasters! (I honestly never thought I'd write "Coasters" with an exclamation point after that - interesting how we change throughout life.) They are felt on the bottom and basic fabric on the top. It was a great simple project for learning to sew. As I've said - I'm just learning to make fabric stick to other fabric with thread. You can't really tell in that picture but I sewed each with different thread and different colors of felt on the bottom. The felt of course was left over from the project I did for the kids' room.

This second project was supposed to be done on Marion (my sewing machine) but I sheepishly and not-so-kick-assedly admit that I forgot how to thread my machine and somehow the thread kept getting sliced... oops. So I took the opportunity to improve my stitching/basic thread and needle skills and hand sewed a new bag for myself.

I found the fabric while we were in KC for Christmas - apparently I bought it for some silly project/idea I had in high school or college - who knows. It's far from perfect and I certainly went for durability over elegance - function over form - if you will. But it's pretty cute and I'm pretty proud of myself. It's a good feeling to have at the beginning of the year. I can do new things - I can create - I can make things. If I were to be stranded on an island - I could make things. I am now one step closer to desert/island/crisis survival. I have made a purse - I can conquer the world.

Now for some detail shots:
I've had this patch since forever - really - I can't remember when I got it - and I've been toting it around with me all this time....probably my whole life. It was probably given to me as a baby and that's why I can't remember where it came from. And it's probably destiny that I finally found a place for it. I am particularly proud of my patch attachment - I spent a really long time focusing on making sure the threading was invisible. Patch success!

I love big bags and purses but I absolutely hate digging around trying to find my keys and phone - who doesn't? So - a pocket was necessary. It may not be exactly in the middle or straight - but hey - it's on the inside of the bag and as long as it holds my stuff - I call it a win. I used my bag today and my pocket successfully held my phone, keys and chapstick.... pocket success!

My stitching is neither graceful nor perfect. I'd call it more along the lines of - charming or adorable. It's similar to when a kid writes a story and some of the letters are backwards and every other word is misspelled. I think you know what I mean. But I did alternate thread color - so it is colorful and definitely ranks high on the FUN scale.

I know they aren't super professional - but I'm pretty excited about my projects. It feels good to complete something, to have done your best and to have a tangible and useful result. What's interesting is that sewing is so different from the abstract analysis I normally spend my time doing. Whereas most of what I want to do in the world is highly theoretical and the results would take decades to prove helpful, these projects have immediate effect and don't take twenty years to finish. It is similar to how I felt about painting - except painting has a purely aesthetic result and these have a functional use which I prefer at this point in time. Aesthetic and functional - I like that. Three cheers to that. Three cheers to heightened levels of functionality. Three cheers to fabric plus thread!

Phoenix Bird

2012-01-06T15:03:00.001-07:00

Here is a playlist - it's a bit inspired - a bit random - it's my Phoenix Bird playlist.

Nineteen Hundred and Eighty Five - Paul McCartney
Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) - Bruce Springsteen
Live and Let Die - The Wings
This Song has not title - Elton John
Grey Seal - Elton John
1+1 - Beyonce Knowles
Carries On - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes
Barton Hollow - THe Civil Wars
Aquarius/ Let the Sunshine - The Fifth Dimension
Judas - Lady Gaga
Just Because - Nikka Costa
Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay - Otis Redding
The mall & Misery - Broken Bells
Stay - Lisa Loeb
What Part of Forever - The Very Best / Cee Lo
Work - 1, 2, 3
Come and Get It - Badfinger
Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
Hercules Theme - Hercules and Love Affair
Ready to Start - Arcade Fire
Someone You'd Admire - Fleet Foxes
Don't you Want Somebody to Love - Jefferson Airplane
With Love - Elbow
Shuffle A Dream - Little Dragon
The Ghost Inside - Broken Bells
The Bad In Each Other - Feist
Help I'm Alive - Metric
Get Ready - The Temptations

New Family Member: Mooney

2012-01-02T17:43:00.001-07:00

Here is MOONEY our new Halfmoon Betta Fish. V gave the kids a fishbowl and marbles and water purifier for Christmas - so of course we got a fish to complete the present. And here it is - Mooney!!

2012: Becoming Better

2012-01-01T23:46:00.001-07:00

Let's not pussy-foot about - 2012 - here we go:

> One lingering issue from 2011 I would like to figure out in 2012 is to know how much pressure to put on oneself. Really - how much can you push yourself? How often do we not reach greatness or our potential because we make excuses for ourselves? I know what maxed-out is, I don't want to be unhealthy - but at the same time I don't want to fear working hard. How much can we work? Is there a way to figure this out?

> Relatedly, I would also like to figure out - though I know it's case specific - how much blame and responsibility you're supposed to take for things and how you're supposed to know it's too much. Maybe those are the evolving and growing answers of life you don't really come to terms with until you're seventy or eighty or some other age you reach that assures wisdom.

> I've been pretty consistent about self-improvement but one thing that has escaped my intentionality is health. I would like to pin down healthiness this year. I would like my water drinking to be habitual and consistent. I would like my work outs to be routine and therapeutic. I would like my diet to be life-giving, not life-hindering. I would like to feed myself positive messages, not disparaging messages. I would like to feel like a healthy person all the way around - in every aspect of life.

For the most part I think I am a relatively healthy person - but I make a lot of excuses. I make so many excuses I lose track of what is my actual lifestyle and what are the excuses I make to skirt around the healthy lifestyle I claim to have.

One thing I learned from 2011 is that research is priceless. I've learned so much from The Anger Diet, Getting Things Done and relationshipmatters.com . Even if the lessons were at times just affirmation of things I already knew - those affirmations solidified what I should lean on and depend on and what I shouldn't. I would like to know, scientifically, how many desserts you're allowed to have a week - how many chips are ok - etc. This year I want to take healthiness to the next level. I want to be knowledgeable about health, food, exercise - etc. Sorry if there are more posts of that nature - or - well - sorry if they're boring - not sorry because as I learn and write - you learn! yay for community learning.

> I want to keep sewing. I have a pattern and fabric and a goal of making Cha a skirt for her birthday. It's yellow gingham and the cutest fabric in the world. I even have some cute white flower appliques to add to the skirt. Once I get one skirt down - I'm not buying skirts anymore unless they are cheaper than the fabric I'd buy and time I'd put in.

> I want to get back to academic writing. I have to prepare for a career this year. I finish school this year and I need to be able to confidently say I can write ably, fluently and creatively about political matters. That means - as this is my writing playground - more substance in this venue. I'm excited about it - I hope my writing improves as I've wanted it to - and I hope my ability to critique, analyze and review has not been hindered by the academic break I've given myself.

> I want to take parenting to the next level as well. (So far I've got health, writing and parenting going to new levels in 2012 - woo!) When you step into parenting (step ... get it...?) it's kind of awkward...there is a lot of adjusting and you don't go through the same developmental steps you would if you birthed and raised the children from conception. I'd say parenting year one was formation, adjustment and super weird. Parenting year two has been stronger, more confident and more comfortable - less to prove - more time to think about how to improve as a parent. Nick and I have agreed that we want to take our parenting to the next level. While we've been focused on helping the kids, learning and development - we want to really focus on manners and character development. I've mentioned plans for this before - and you'll have to wait for a separate post for elaboration on this idea but for the time being - just know - it's happening.

> I would like to find a greater more stable balance between Holy Mary Jessica and Hell Raiser Jessica. To be completely honest - I rarely feel centered. I'm either bored with myself or ashamed of myself. I find myself either too controlled or not controlled enough. I know that is not healthy. I know my actions must be more coherent with my self-perception. It has been extremely difficult to find a consistent voice for myself as a parent. I find the responsibility so crushing it oppresses me - I am not free - I do not feel light and free. Maybe that is standard. Maybe all parents deal with that. Maybe it is part of growing up - I don't know. But it seems to me - that someone that is loud and courageous and freewheeling and happy and joyous and wild should not suddenly become a docile, quiet, meek, mouse because of the presence of the responsibility of kids. It is hard to understand how much of this feeling is dramatized in my own mind, how much comes not from parenting but from the crushing weight of financial stress, career stress, relational stress, etc. It's not just when the kids are around - it's when I'm alone as well. I guess my identity and my self-perception is so altered I have a hard time feeling like "myself" - I don't know "who I am" at the moment. I guess I'm at a time of adjustment. Anyway - I'd like to get through this time and feel more confidently "ME" again. I'm ready to be balanced and bold and confident again. I took a heavy beating in 2011. I'm ready to build back up again.

Surveying the list I can summarize my goals for 2012 to be: get better. 2012 will be for getting better. I'll make what is good even better. What is good shall become great. What is lame will get to good. I feel ambitious and cautious about 2012. I'm going to seize it as I seize everything - but I'm not going to claim it's going to be the best year ever or anything silly like that. What I humbly hope for this new year is that I can look back at the end of it and say the things I can control - like myself - are/am better than I was - than they were - at the beginning of the year. Simply put: I hope I improve my life and me in 2012.

For what it's worth: I love the sky and think it is the the best reminder that there is much we do not know, much we cannot reach, and in general of humility which humanity should constantly be aware.

Why 2011 Did Actually Dominate

2011-12-31T21:51:00.000-07:00

Alright! WOO! 2011!!!!

I finished law school - that's pretty awesome. That's a substantial accomplishment really. Not just anyone can say they finished law school - but I can and I finished law school in 2011 - so it gets the credit. Woo.

I did not die, contract a fatal disease (that I know of) or get tossed out on the street. Though it was a bit touch and go at some moments - I successfully navigated the avoidance of all those things. That is good.

When I left Guatemala to go to Honduras - this was the boat I got on. That's pretty legit. That gets a WOO!

I met gobs of fantastic people. If you're going to go through a traumatic implosion of your life - it is best if you meet some really great people. I can't list them all - that would be silly - but if they read this - they know who they are - and I hope they know that they get gold stars and besos and more appreciation than i could ever express. Here's a snap shot of two of my favorites - this was Aurelie's last night at Zephyr. Aurelie and Johnny - two total gems. (Don't mind the ciggy - I quit - and well - it was a rough time - but we've discussed that - no need to belabor the point there.)

Oh - speaking of - I got really good at drinking my problems away - is that a skill? Probably not. But again - if you're going through a traumatic personal situation and you have no privacy and no idea what to do with yourself - it would probably be best to make some healthy decisions. But in lieu of your ability to do that - if you can manage to have a good time and drink your problems away - I've got some tips. (maybe scraping the barrel with this one...)

SCUBA DIVING! There's a legitimately awesome thing! I love scuba diving. I absolutely love it. I got my open water and my advanced. It's one of my favorite things about 2011. I highly recommend scuba diving to anyone that is interested - it is genuinely one of the greatest times you'll ever have. Scuba diving gets a double woo. WOO! WOO!

Hey! I got accepted to IPSI! nevermind that I didn't go - but - I got accepted and that is at least worth acknowledging.

I had a great week in Galveston with my lovelies. They are the three people that make me feel the most normal in this world.

Similarly awesome - I spent a much needed relaxing and fabulous weekend in Santa Fe with my law school lovelies. Saving graces these women are - and some of the most fantastic women around.

PINTEREST! I love Pinterest - total Bonus to 2011. WOO! for Pinterest!

I drank water with ice cubes shaped like penises. That's funny - and I've never done that before. That gets half a woo....lower cased. woo.

The biggest WOO goes to NICK! He is the most WOO part of this year. He is the most understated champion, the quiet hero, the humble god among men. This isn't to say he doesn't have his own faults or contributions to lesser fun aspects of 2011 - BUT - all in all - overall - at the end of the day he is the best - hands down best thing about 2011. He is the greatest - the super man - the hero - the everything good - the super love.

I resist launching into a list of all of our family that supported us in this wild and crazy year - you know who you are and you know how much you loved and gave this year. We know too and we will never forget.

Another woo for the year our little four pack of awesome. We've become tight. We're awesome. Children, unfortunately and innocently, are the powerless bystanders of their parents' relationships. We know in some ways but maybe not every way they personalize the issues and struggles and tumults of what goes on between the adults of their lives. Second only to Nick - Oliver and Charlotte get a giant WOO - not for doing anything specific - but just for being themselves - for being resilient - for being my family - for loving - for their strength. They are wonderful - though they are not OF me - they are my kids. Realizing that has been one of the most powerful and motivating factors of 2011 and will continue to be for the rest of my life. Step-parenting is strange and there are lots of opinions on what relationships are supposed to be like - I think we all learned that this year - but the affirmation I've received from my loved ones, the kids, Nick, and relationshipmatters.com (haha), have made my love stronger, I feel more confident in my role and my love for the kids and after all is said and done for 2011 - Oliver and Charlotte - I love you guys and that will never change.

Every family is different and though many form in more traditional ways - ours hasn't and it's taken some adjusting to. But we're here. We are family. I've read some things friends have said about this year that I relate to:

" The whole year I could not manage to get it out of first gear and for the first time in my life I really started failing. Whether it was the result of too many things swirling around at once, a lingering and subtle depression, or maybe sheer exhaustion is something I have yet to figure out. Whatever it was I sure hope it is gone. It feels gone. Finally."

"...end of the day...end of the year...it was hard. but now, as i look back, it was also an incredible year of learning and growing. yes, i was living unhealthy both mentally and physically. drinking more, running and climbing less. spending my idle thoughts on negativity instead of smiling at strangers. but i also learned how to love and be loved. i learned that sometimes i'm wrong (shocker)." (SPG)

In the end - 2011 dominated because - you have to dig through rock to get to diamond, you have to sit in a clam for a while to become a pearl - anything worth having is worth working for - because we went to hell and back and here we are - we're a family - we're together - we're ready to rock out in 2012 and Nick and I are one and we're a force to be reckoned with - we're us and we're going to be us and we feel good about us. Whatever metaphor or life lesson you want to apply - go for it - we're ready for 2012. You have shit years from time to time - in the least they can prepare you for the next one. Goodbye forever 2011 - hello 2012 - let's rock and roll.

Hasta Luego 2011

2011-12-31T18:57:00.001-07:00

That first post was nice - very mature - and very boring. I've got a guiness and some pepperidge farm cookies and I'm ready for another crack at it. Let's be honest - no matter what 2011 was - I'm not going out with nice, mature and boring - those three words just don't work for me. So - let's try this again.

Obviously I'm very torn about 2011. On one hand I'd like to just say "Screw 2011 - it sucked. It's okay to admit that and not have to look on the bright side and remember lessons I've learned and try to redeem it in some way - just screw it." But the mature, reasonable part of me knows that we must embrace the lessons we learn - they're pretty much the only valuable things that come out of heartache and the shit of life. But really - it's not like anyone died - it's just that the year was hard - really hard - it was blah - it had lots of promise and then due to my own failings turned into a huge pump fake turd patty. And really I kind of feel like a big cry baby about it. Like a whiney, beat down, lame-o that runs and cries in a corner at the first sign of problems.

To be fair to myself - it's not like I ran away at the first sign of troubles. I'm way better than that and didn't do that. What happened was a spectacular explosion - a complete implosion, rather, after a really hard year. It's not that 2011 was that bad - it was 2010 as well. 2010 plus the first half of 2011 and BAM! personal implosion and everything fell apart - but you know what - it got put back together again. (Pepperidge should put more Pirouettes in the cookie boxes - I could eat those things forever.) All this to say - 2011 was the hardest year of my life. It's so first world to write that on a blog from a laptop - but whatever - it is what it is. I'm lucky that the kind of struggles I've dealt with this year make it the hardest and that I don't have to deal with what most of the world struggles with. I'm lucky and for that - and to quit sounding like a whiney little bitch baby I'm going to close this post and write a part three - why 2011 did dominate.

I'm not sure this was less boring but whatever - it's a process - everything is a process. It was a big year - I get to process.

2011: The Year That Didn't Happen, But Did.

2011-12-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

As we exit 2011 it would be nice to have a clear and definitive feeling about this year. But while this has certainly not been "the number one top most favorite year of my life!!!" and I can't really think of a worse year, there were a lot of great times. There are certain parts of this year I want to forget. However, if I forget them, I fear I forget the lessons I learned from them. Regrettably though, even some of the really fun parts are colored by the sad and rough parts. It's murky because I can't look back and feel the year has been a success, but I don't think it's a complete failure either. There was happiness in sadness and sadness in the happiness.

In reality most years are like that - a mixture of happiness and sadness. Actually - all years are like that - what year isn't met with its fair share of happy and sad? But honestly and truly - this is the first year I can remember that I don't have a happy and satisfied feeling about the year. I have a "let's get out of here" feeling about the year. Sure, we are in control of how we see the year and what we do with it. There isn't anything magical about changing a year. Nothing magical happens just because it's now 2012 and not 2011. But humanity enjoys symbolism (I enjoy symbolism) and we (I) like to mark events. Maybe it is that sense of closure, that sense of "See Ya Later 2011" that we need in order to move on. Maybe we need a solid mark in time to be able to put the year's events behind us.

This in mind - it is with intentionally applied symbolism and ascribing of meaning that I greet 2012. I've learned a lot this last year. I'm tempted to write a list of the things I've learned - but it's pretty generic really. For the most part we've all had years like I've had - like Nick and I have had; replete with struggles, heartache, reunion, growth, forgiveness etc. More than anything I am glad that I enter this new year with Nick. We are more unified than we have ever been, more peaceful, more complete and with a deeper understanding of the commitment we have to each other and of our love. I am glad I am a parent to Oliver and Charlotte - that we are family - that we feel more and more like family every day and that we grow together with deepness and tenderness and love and laughter all the time.

I cannot close out 2011 without noting how grateful I am for my friends and family - for the people who cared more about my health than I did, who looked out for me, who told me the truth in dark and hard times, who talked to Nick when I could not, who reached out and related to me in ways others could not - you all are wonderful. You are wonderful and I hope I've been half as supportive, encouraging and loving as you have been. I love you all so much. I hope you feel that every moment of every day.

With that - let's bust out of this weirdo year. Let's rock out 2012 like the world may actually end on 12/21/2012. Let's do it - let's live large, let's be big, let's be ourselves, let's be wildly awesome!

Holiday Family Photo Time

2011-12-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

My family hasn't done a big family photo time in a long time. My grandparents are nearing "each year is a blessing" and with the kids on an every other year schedule and with Christmas actually landing on Sunday rarely - I guess we all thought, "picture time"! I'm a bit disgusted because Nick and I really wanted at least one great picture of the four of us - (N, J, O, C) but somehow in the shuffle of photos we didn't get a shot of us four of even of the two of them. But we did get some good/great shots of all of us - including a shot with the kids in our family and no Nick - apparently they are my children now. ha. weird. Anyway - here is my family:

We're so silly and awesome.

The picture in which O/C ceased to belong to Nick. ha.

This is the best picture of us...... sad.

It was a slightly flawed process - we didn't even get pictures of just my grandmother and grandfather or mother and father .... and it was their anniversaries!!! In my family we have four couples that have gotten married on Christmas. Long story - I'll explain it some time. But any way - it was a silly harried photo process - but you get the idea. And here we are all together:

O Tannenbaum

2011-12-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

My mother beautifully decorates the tree every year. And every year it has a new theme. This year the theme was red and gold though red made the most prominent showing.

Hello!

We don't do plain - we do elaborate.

Introducing: Marion

2011-12-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

I have received a gift I could never deserve. While in Kansas City I received a sewing machine. This is not just any sewing machine - it is from my mother - who received it from her Great Aunt Marion - one of the legendary figures of our family. Aunt Marion died before I was born - but she has legendary status in our family. She was over the top - she loved big hair and big jewelry and was in general larger than life.

I shared with a friend/cousin that I received this machine and I soon learned that machines get names. Fair enough. I feel it appropriate that my machine be called Marion after her first owner. She is vintage, sturdy and an oh so cool minty/lime 1960's green. With out further adieu - here is Marion:

Singer Fashion Mate

Marion is special to me. Sewing is becoming very special to me. My mother presented this to me on Sunday, Christmas and said I should get it out so my grandmother Gloria could give me lessons. So there I was - on Christmas Sunday - receiving sewing lessons from my Grandmother with my mother there and Charlotte looking on. It was a beautiful moment. Both of my grandmothers were fantastic seamstresses, making us beautiful dresses and play clothes when we were little. Sewing will never be a profit making hobby for me - but I want to keep the tradition alive in our family. I also find it ridiculously practical and I love making myself more useful, even if it's just knowing how to sew a button back on. Sewing is much more mentally taxing than I thought as well - which I love. It's tactilely challenging as well as stimulating for your creative functions and strategic and logical functions. Sewing is a puzzle and you're constantly thinking. I'm beginning to deeply love sewing. I am excited about the practical and beautiful creations I will make. I am excited about the physical contributions I will make to our little world. The more skills you know, the more of an asset you are to humanity and yourself. I like that - I am enhancing my domestic warrior bad assness! Cheers to all the sewers/seamstresses of the world! I'm here to party on with you!

How to Open a Christmas Present

2011-12-28T17:39:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do just a few picture stories about our Christmas trip. This first is:
How To Open a Christmas Present and Show Your Appreciation as demonstrated by my maternal grandmother, Gloria Jean Willingham.

First, spend a lot of time discussing the wrapping in detail and gingerly take off the wrapping careful not to hurt the pretty parts.

Second, at the first sign of the actual present show your enthusiasm for what it could possibly be. Ps. my grandfather next to her is not equally excited - he's just yawning.

Third, display wonder and amazement at any details observed. Discuss these details as you feel appropriate.

Fourth, make sure to express excitement and glee as if you've received a brand new car you've wanted your whole life - no matter what the present actually is.

Fifth, display the present for all to see - assuring that everyone knows why you're so excited. Share the glee.

Sixth, giggle like you've never been given such an extravagant present (shirt) in your life.

Seventh, (not pictured) Bonus! Rewrap the present. Return the present to its original condition so you can relive this exciting moment all over again.

If you want to assure that you receive really fun gifts for the rest of your life - emulate these actions. Never have I found someone to be so excited by a shirt. I guess my present was a winner. Really though - I just wanted to share why my grandmother is so loved and so lovely. She is one of the most appreciative, exciting and expressive human beings on this planet. She's beautiful and adorable. Even in her seventies she has the glee of a child. She exudes youthful enthusiasm for all good things. She models love and care and attentiveness and thrill with every inch of her body.

If she finds out about this post she'll probably ask me to take it down as she hates having pictures of herself on the internet. While I guess this could be a bit disrespectful to post about her with pictures, while knowing she hates it, but I feel strongly about how wonderful she is and I want everyone to know. She really is one of the best people in the world. She's tender, genuine, caring and then again - straightforward when she needs to be. She's classy and elegant but will dig in the dirt and mud for flowers and plants. She's practical yet extravagant. She's artistic, genius, communicative, brilliant. She imparted debutant manners which could be perceived as rigid but actually just gave us a grace and elegance that prepared her five granddaughters for the world. It would not be correct to leave out her faith. As much as I do not have faith - she has faith. She believes - she's a strong Christian. She's had personal struggles - we all do - but she has stayed faithful and wants that deeply for everyone she knows. And it's not just verbage - she visited a young man in jail for years when almost everyone else shunned him. She gives and loves in ways far beyond what would be expected and far beyond average people. She is exceptional. She is my Grandmama.

Shark Attack

2011-12-27T19:54:00.001-07:00

Pre-Shark Week lasted all through Christmas Week which resulted in only one overloaded emotional cry time. I was only stressed out and out of sorts a couple of times and otherwise things went rather smoothly.

I will say this: I am glad Shark Week did not begin yesterday during the packing and subsequent eight hour car ride. But today - on what was supposed to be my day to relax and clean and get organized - I am being terrorized by cramps. For men who do not know what cramps feel like - let me take a sec. to help you get an idea. Imagine - if you can - that someone has grabbed a hold of your insides - right around your pelvis and is twisting them as though they are ringing out a towel. I have seen strong women brought to tears by this feeling. I took two midol (special shark week medicine) and it did nothing to diminish this sensation. Curling up in a ball doesn't really help because the feeling is below that. Besides the towel ringing sensation - your legs - the tops of your thighs feel as if you ran a half-marathon without stretching or ever-having gone running before in your life.... yet you've done nothing but normal activity. Then someone also kicked your lower back - just straight Jet Li/Jackie Chan kicked you - like a big meanie - for no reason - right there in your lower back. It's awful. The pain is unrelenting and merciless.

I genuinely do not understand why bleeding for a week is not enough - women must also suffer through nearly unendurable pain. It makes me want to attack men just so they know what it feels like. Men should go through a year long female-sympathy training where once a month they get they get beat up. Then maybe they'll get the idea. Mr. Man is actually very sympathetic to my plight and fetches me things so I don't have to move - but it's not enough - a little thing inside me wants him to feel the pain as well. This is petty and small of me - I know - but I just do - he's over there feeling grand and I'm over here subjected to pain I do not deserve to be in....just because I'm a woman. It's sexist really.

I just had the best day dream thinking about walking down the street karate chopping men in the bladder area and when they bend over giving them a solid elbow to the lower back, then tossing them an Ibuprofen an telling them to deal with it. That would be great.

Christmas-Time Reflections

2011-12-27T13:50:00.002-07:00

For the first time in I don't know how long we were able to go to Kansas City and stay in KC for an extended amount of time. Even more infrequent, yet occurring this year - my sister and her man were able to join for an equally extended amount of time. We all arrived Wednesday night and we all left Monday morning. We had five holiday nights with eight people in the house. It was absolutely divine.

Nick and I aren't the only ones that have had a bit of a draining year - V and B have had their own struggles. My mother wanted this week to be a week of rejuvenation, of peace, joy, love and strength-building. You need rest to build strength. Strength is built from work and trials - but people need rest to solidify and embed that strength, and to learn from the experiences and hardships. It was the best present she could have given.

As we were opening presents someone incorrectly wrote 2012 on a card to my grandmother instead of 2011. She quipped - "well we can just pretend 2011 never happened." Brad, Valerie, Nick and I spontaneously all exploded with "YES!!! YAY!!!!!" we clapped and we declared 2011 never happened. There are hard years, there are small issues that grow into big issues, there are big issues that lay dormant that later attack and need addressing, there are tough times and apparently 2011 was that year for us. But hey - if Grandmama can say it doesn't exist anymore then so be it. To be accurate - less than not existing I think we'd all just choose to put it behind us - to move on - to not lose the lessons we've learned and the progress we've made - but just to be done.

Valerie shared a great quote with me that fits this year:

"Recovery has also been described as a process by which people recover their self-esteem, dreams, self-worth, empowerment, pride, dignity, and meaning."

This resonates deeply - I think for Nick as well - though I risk to say - his recovery has been longer, involved more things and been much deeper than mine even. We've been recovering from the things in our life. We are moving on from the hurts and the struggles, we are rebuilding and recovering. If God giving Jesus to the world was meant to bring peace, love and joy to earth - I can say that Gigi - my mother has got it figured out. Christmas - peace - joy - love. Christmas was beautiful and full of great things but mostly - the best gift we all got was a place to relax, feel peace, rejuvenate, heal more, grow more, love more, and not worry about things. The best present I got this year was recovery - or at least a moment to enable recovery. Thank you Gigi Mommy. And Thank you Larry - Daddy - for enabling our ability to enjoy this time. So much love was given and received in Kansas City - I hope we gave as much love to you as you did to us. I love you.

Our Family. More Family photos later - but for now - this. This is what brings us home - this is us - this is the core - the deep family. Our family includes more than this now - but this is what we truly and deeply feel.

Awkward Holiday Moment

2011-12-24T23:31:00.003-07:00

So when Santa goes to the kids' mom's house he wraps one good big present.

When Santa comes to KC or otherwise wherever the kids are when they are with their dad - he gives lots of random fun stuff unwrapped.

Lesson for children - don't put Santa in a box - he is a man of various giving styles.

Lesson for adults - never underestimate a child's ability to be willfully ignorant of ideas that may lead them toward beliefs that are disadvantageous to their belief systems. (This lesson could apply to adults about adults as well I suppose.)

Holiday Lovin'

2011-12-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

We are here safely in KC. After some compulsive behavior due to pre-Shark Week/Holiday impulses including Chuck E. Cheese and Krispie Kreme and a night of packing finalizations - we woke up Wednesday morning ready to roll. The drive was more or less uneventful and smooth - there was very little bickering and general happiness ruled the day.

We have been talking and catching up today - nothing eventful yet - though there have been some sweet times. We did stages one and two of Salt Dough ornaments with the kids (more on that later) and Charlotte dominated a game of Aggravation/Yahoo - a Campbell family favorite. The kids have been running around the house - a mansion compared to our little apartment - and getting closer to my parents. I'm really appreciative of this time for my parents to get to know these two kiddoes that have become such an integral part of my life. It is great to get some parenting reference checks from my mom and great for the kids to have stronger memories of the two people that firmly shaped and have filled my life with love and happiness. The kids have been here before for Christmas but this time they are older and so their memories will be stronger and their ability to form relationships is stronger. Synthesizing these parts of my life makes me feel more whole, it makes each part more real and makes my life feel more coherent.

It is beautiful here and marked with things I love and memories that evoke sweet emotion. My mother's decorating of the tree is detailed, beautiful and sets the mood for Christmas time in the whole house. Here is the tree this year. Each year the tree is decorated differently and wrapping paper is chosen to match the tree. Last year the tree was black and white - this year it's red and gold.

Another touching feature of this year's celebration are the stockings we're using for Oliver and Charlotte. Their stockings are the stockings Valerie and I had when we were little. Again - it is the incorporation of Oliver and Charlotte into my life, the sharing of memories, the blending of families that makes this time so special. It may be small but there is something significant in sharing something that was yours as a child with your child - step or bio. The brown bear was mine and Gigi added a bow tie for Oliver - now it's a boy bear. The white bear was V's - Gigi added a little bow for flare and the wand for extra awesome.

We're itching to get some great photos of the four of us. It's been a year - it's time. I love pictures with Christmas lights and Gigi has beautifully hung some lights in our front window that hang against white linen drapes - it's beautiful and I thought I'd practice this photo style with the kids. Here are some tester photos - just photo booth - but you get the idea. (They found the beanie baby and have latched on to it. Silly kids.) I got some better photos with our nice camera - will be seen later I suppose. (Note to self - Must have better outfits on for future photo shoot as well.)

Tonight we did Jazzercize - all eight of us. My parents dominated. We sweat our tushes off while we desperately tried to keep up and stay alive. The kids were totally overwhelmed until we got to the slower muscle work at the end - it was pretty fun to see them totally bewildered and then really cute when they tried - it was pretty fun. It was really great and I totally recommend it for anyone that loves to dance and wants to work out. Alright - time to focus on family time. I hope everyone else is having a great week as well. Cheers.

Holiday Fun

2011-12-19T23:03:00.002-07:00

We're all happy here in the Swanbell house. We opened our first two rounds of presents. We Skyped with Nick's parents this afternoon and we opened the presents from them. Then we did our own little intimate Family Four Pack present opening. I'll not go into detail because I don't know what the line between tacky and classy is on talking about presents. I'll do a little thinking on that and get back to you. All that to say - love and happiness is permeating the apartment as visions of sugar somethings dance in our heads.

But that's not what I'm really here to talk about. I'm here to talk about the joys of holiday PMS/ Christmas Shark Week. Remember last year when I flew to England on the first day of my personal Shark Week? (see Miscellaneous for Shark Week explanation) Well it was horrible. It felt like someone had punched me in the baby maker then roundhouse kicked my back - it was not fun.

Somehow my personal Shark Week has managed to inch itself back a week and now begins smack dab on major winter holidays. Isn't that just the most fun you could imagine?

Let's play this out a bit. So - first - I'm a lucky one in the cramps department - I only get them lightly on the actual first day of Shark Week. BUT the week leading up is ridiculous. I'm moody, tired, severely bloated and my face pretends it's a thirteen year old boy that's never washed his face. Gross. This all comes to a head the last day of Pre-Shark Week which is typically when Nick and I have a loud ridiculous argument over something that doesn't matter at all. (Seriously - there was probably a five-month period where we had one major blow out a month and the next day Shark Week would start. Finally, we began to remember this lovely cycle and began figuring out how to avoid this monthly skirmish.) This year, with Shark Week moved back a week Day 1 landed on the day before Thanksgiving and will be on or around Christmas Eve. Sweet. I'm pumped. Couldn't be more excited.

Even though I've tried to be aware of my natural patterns and let patience and reason guide me - I've been a ridiculous ball of stress with widely vacillating emotions that are so strong I can actually feel my mood changing like an out of body experience. Thanksgiving Eve (we'll call it) I actually began crying at the table because my dad said I have his side of the family's body style (aka - not super naturally slim) ... this is not what you want to hear when you've spent the last week feeling like a beach whale. And I cried, and then started laughing at myself for crying, and then cried a bit because I was crying and felt ridiculous. I love those moments. And I love that my family was there to share it with me. Great.

Now we embark on the final days of Pre-Shark Week: my skin has already begun its reversion to adolescent male status, I look like I drank too much milk and haven't had a proper BM in several days, and my emotions are waging WWIII against each other, except there are more than just two-sides - it's anarchy and the fuhrer just flipped off the queen. Tomorrow we've got to pack, clean, go to a birthday party a solid 45 minutes away (and it snowed today) get ready to go to KC (which involves far too many loose ends to enumerate) Nick has a job interview thing and all I want to do is sit around in my pj's with a mask on my face eating ice cream and avoiding the existence of anything outside my own physical shell.

But we must Keep Calm and Carry On, or Keep Calm and Rock On, or Keep Calm and Eat a Cupcake, or Keep Calm and Just Say Screw It, or whatever all the permutations of Queenie's saying tell you to do these days. Point being - holidays can be stressful - there are money worries, family feelings, hopes that you don't disappoint children, worries about weight, driving, traffic, food/cooking etc. It's enough to make a normal person in the second week of her cycle frazzled. The absolute last thing I want to be dealing with is Shark Week. And I don't mean to be irreverent hear - but if that Pastor says something about Jesus coming to Earth and feeling the pain that humans felt - it's going to be pretty dang hard for me not to stand up and say - "Pardon - but I'm pretty sure Jesus never had a bleeding princess, cramps and uncontrollable mood swings that put the fear of God in the little children." Or maybe that's what Jesus was talking about...fearing God?

Happy Holidays !!!

*Male readers - this was a super fem-bot post - but it's good for you to read these things - it enlightens you to the plight of your sisters, mothers, girlfriends, wives and friends. And if it helps you be a little less reactive when your girlfriend nearly rips your head off for literally just standing in the wrong spot (wrong being entirely dependent on her mood at the time) - then maybe this has done you good and you'll give her a hug and whisper, "where would you like me to stand?" instead of getting pissed and irritated. Or instead of scoffing and mocking her moods you'll understandingly just go along for the ride. Or maybe you'll pick her up some Ben and Jerry's on the way home. Or maybe you'll - I don't know - just be cooler about Shark Week and the Holidays. Women ... most women ... truly just want everything to be great and we take on a lot of personal responsibility for its success (yes - even though we know we don't have to - we just do) we do it to ourselves because we do it for you. So throw us a bone and give us a hug and maybe a midol and some wine. Love boys - merry Shark Week!

** Oh and fingers crossed for some kind of awesome freak out or emo-explosion. Maybe it will be on the way to Carols by Candlelight or maybe it will be a lovely shouting match over something inane or maybe I'll cry about someone's less than perfect reaction to a present....you never know what it will be - I just hope if something does happen, it makes a good story.

A Fairy Tale about Socks

2011-12-18T16:07:00.002-07:00

There was a time not so long ago when life was simple, when the sun was bright. In the magical archipelago of SockDrawerLandia socks loved each other. Be it twin or mate or BFFL they stuck together - nothing could take these socks from each other. During this time SDL only had five pairs of socks that had lost their mate. These socks were sad and stricken with hurt. The King and Queen of SDL did all they could to reunite these lost and astray socks with their soulmates.

Despite their best efforts and despite importing new socks to replenish the forsaken matches, all was lost.
SockDrawerLandia now lives in a darker time, a more chaotic time, a time of complexities that has stirred the world of socks. There is a sock epidemic, a pandemic, an emic-emic. A dark and terrible disease has struck the kingdom.

WHAT CAN BE DONE? Who can save them!? Poor, sad, crying socks....shhhh...listen...you can hear them....they ache and cry out for their lost loves, their other-halves, the only other being in the worl that can make them whole. Will you help them? Who will save them from a life torn in meaning and love? Who is taking these socks from their matches? What unkind soul is hurting these socks? What kind of evil is doing this? Something must be done! Is there no hope and joy and justice left in the world? A world where socks are left to wither and die without hope of a meaningful existence warming feet in the same way as their mate? They know .... even if they are worn with a different sock - the feet know - it's just not the same. One is a little higher, one a little thicker, one a little more worn out... no friends, it is just not the same and the socks know, and they cry.

A Quickie

2011-12-17T19:09:00.000-07:00

You all have dirty minds. I just meant a brief post..sheesh. ;)

First - I am doing what I am going to call "Stop, Pinner Time" Challenge. Maybe I'm not going to stick with that name - that name may be kind of lame. Anyway - basically I'm piggy-backing off my dear friend over at Cherish This Day. She's going to DO one of her 'pinspired' ideas for each month of 2012. I thought, 'I only think in pins now anyway - might as well.' So - pin it to win it.

To kick off that "challenge" I thought I'd show a little fun crafty thing I did today.

This took all of two minutes and most of that time was spent gathering my tools.

I had a circular magnet - I have no idea how long I've had it or where I got it - but whatever - it was here. I noticed tonight that the white paper on the magnet (I'm a quick one) peels off and it is sticky underneath. Well. I peeled that white paper off, stuck the sticky side on some fabric and cut it out and voila! Cute magnet. You could do this with pictures too. I may need to find some more of these guys and do fun things for the fridge and our magnet boards in our room. As for now - this is what it looks like - (not that it's hard to imagine.)

Simple, but it adds a classy bit of color. Below is a fun arty thing Cha did. She put her foot all over some ink pads that she had and then put her foot on the page. I wish I'd known sh was doing this - I would have given her some blank paper - but alas - she is very creative and I love it so it stays in our room. I thought I'd model the magnet with my favorite little foot.

Since we're talking about it, she did her hand too. She's great.

So that's the deal: One pinterest inspired craft a month. I may even raise the bar a little and say - one craft and one recipe.....??? yeah? yeah! One craft and One recipe a month. And I'm going to create a board on Pinterest for all the things I've actually tried/made and leave comments - especially about recipes.

Let me know if you're totally inspired and you're going to do this too - it will be fun to share over the year. Cheers y'all!

Giddy With Excitement

2011-12-16T18:04:00.001-07:00

So I'm sitting here fresh back from a full day of work. Nick is working a second job tonight. I am alone. I am near penniless so going out is not a possibility. I've been contemplating - "what shall I do with my much deserved evening of rest?" ponder, think, imagine, weigh the possibilities, nothing sounds good...then BAM! Like a holiday explosion in my mind.... LOVE ACTUALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of the truly girly movies I love is Love Actually. It is brilliant. I love the characters, the interwoven lives of the characters, the holiday feeling, the accents, the love, the heartbreak, the new love, the old love, the fun, I love it all.

Nick does not enjoy this movie as much as I do, so now is the perfect time to watch it: 1. because I don't want to subject Nick to something he doesn't really enjoy and 2. I don't want his non-elated state of viewing to suck the elation away from me. I like to be free to be as totally girly as possible while I watch this movie.

It appears that British rom-com's are the only kinds I can really stand ....because you know what I might watch after Love Actually? BRIDGET JONE'S DIARY! (I am using caps lock so you know how truly I love it and how truly excited I am about watching.)

I don't watch a lot of movies, I don't watch a lot of tv....actually hardly ever. I have a few series I follow - and except for my Harry Potter binge last weekend when I watched movies 1-4 all in one day (staying up until 3:30 am to do so) I really just don't watch that much. I'm not justifying here - I'm just saying - I don't - so when I DO decide I want to plop my hiney on the couch and eat and drink and be merry with some of my favorite silly romantic movies - I get very giddy about it. It is an event. Unlike those who unceremoniously watch tv and movies with regularity - this is an event. I am excited.

I have talked about it long enough. Colin, Emma, Hugh, cool chick that plays the Portuguese girl, Alan, Mr. Bean, funny guy that wants to go to America to meet chicks, Liam, Liam's son, poor tortured Lara Linney..... all of you - I AM ON THE WAY!!! MUAH!

Hello Sweetie

2011-12-14T21:29:00.001-07:00

There is nothing like watching The Daily Show with your favorite person. Hooray for feet!

Keep Working

2011-12-14T14:46:00.003-07:00

Keep working, work really hard and don't stop. Don't get discouraged by what you perceive are failures, rather - be ignited by your ability to see where you can improve. If you don't see how you can improve it means your work will not get better. So take your perceived failings and celebrate. You see room for improvement. Your vision is greater than your ability and that means you will be able to do better. You can't do what you can't envision - but dream big. Keep pushing, tirelessly, relentlessly and forever improving. Get better. Work hard so you can achieve what you see in your brain. Pursue higher quality, push for more detail, smoother lines, more logical transitions, more clever dialogue. Whatever it is that you do - if you see that you are not achieving the standards you expect yourself to meet - do not be disheartened - be bolstered and feel confident.

Source: 1.bp.blogspot.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Devotion

2011-12-13T12:29:00.001-07:00

You are my first - my last - my everything! I lolve you forever never leave me stay with me love me sweet darling lovely love!

Life Can Still Be Great

2011-12-11T17:52:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor, that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I shall like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black men, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there's room for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life could be free and beautiful but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities life will be violent and all will be lost.

The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world; millions of despairing men, women and little children. Victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.

For those who can hear me I say, "do not despair." The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed; the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.

Soldiers - don't give yourself to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel; who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourself to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate. Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers - don't fight for slavery. Fight for liberty!

In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke it is written the kingdom of God is within man; not one man nor a group of men but in all men! In you! You the people have the power - the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make this life free and beautiful - to make this life an wonderful adventure! Then, in the name of democracy, let us use that power - let us all unite - let us fight for new world - a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age a security.

By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie, they do not fulfill their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise, let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hatred and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Magical Weekend

2011-12-09T22:58:00.001-07:00

Part I - Friday Night
With great gusto we have entered this weekend of magic and greatness. I picked up the kids and promptly got them in the spirit announcing "we've got fun stuff to do!" As I rattled off our plans I was not disappointed and greeted with hearty "yyyyeeeeiiiiiippppppeeeeeeee"! Gotta love immediate gratification.

We made these yummy french bread pizza's for dinner (paired water and caesar salad (fun doesn't mean not healthy).) (400 deg for 15-20) (That photo is pre-oven - no photo of after - too hungry) And while they were in the oven I whipped up the dough for some cream cheese cookies. Since Nick asked, "are these a pinterest thing too?" - I'll tell you - no - these are a family recipe - or at least a recipe that is loved in our family. (Didn't get a picture of the cookies - oops.) (Apparently I'm not a consistent photo taker.)

The kids were great - we had some nice convo and then it was time for some Dr. Who and to eat the cookies. Watched some Doctor then made the fort and they hopped in bed. (This may or may not be the first and last night they sleep in fort land considering the presence of space sharing issues...we'll see.)

Now I'm wrapping presents and feeling good about the day. I've got ideas about making ornaments, snow time adventures, hot chocolate, maybe some painting and cozy reading times for tomorrow - we shall see how the day goes. I don't want to plan too much so that our flexible fun begins to feel like we're fulfilling obligations. Maybe we'll just consider those ideas as options from which we will live a Choose Your Own Adventure weekend. I like that - yeah.

Back to wrapping - I hope everyone has a great weekend. Cheers. Oh and yeah - I'll be updating this through the weekend - so if you're not entirely bored and put off - tune back in for the next parts of our trilogy of awesome.

Part II Saturday

Charlotte wore a cape and a bag for an outdoor adventure - Oliver just had a bag. they went tromping through the snow - lovely. We watched some Harry Potter. There was reading - together. After I read with Charlotte for a bit Oliver and I sat and read together in our room - he with his book, me with mine. I liked being there to answer lexical questions. It was warm fuzzy times. Charlotte moved from reading to painting. Great! We wrapped up the night with some Harry Potter. It was a great day. (will get a photo of the paintings later.)

Part III Sunday

The kids spent the morning wrapping presents for people - really fun. Now they are preparing part two of a three part play. Sweet! Using creative energies and writing and thinking of plots and story aspects - developing a story - performing - I LOVE IT!!!!! I've been instructed to sit and wait while they prepare the second part so I thought I'd give an update right quick. It's been a good weekend so far. Today will have to be a little bit more business than yesterday - but I hope to keep that part quick and fun as well - we'll see.

I've decided some of the lessons I was going to start focusing on with the kids will wait until the New Year. Nick and I have had lots of ideas about how to be intentional about behavior and thoughts. I like to start things at natural beginnings so it makes sense to me to begin a new program for intentionality and learning and awareness and perspective at the beginning of a year. - I know I haven't discussed what it is all about - but I'll get there. This was just a little explanation for the lack of explanation. Waiting until the new year will also give Nick and I time to get organized with our plan. I'm quite excited about it really. yay.

Guess I'll do some reading while the play is written. Oliver is now researching ideas and getting facts to incorporate into the play. Very cool. More on this later!

Part III Sunday Part 2

The play ended up being a four parter covering six pages. Oliver just kept going and going - the ideas just kept flowing out of him. It was great. I ended up typing it up for him because for Cha get her copy it was either that or we would have been copying a play for a while. Typically Oliver is not one for writing - so obviously I hopped all over this moment and tried to encourage as much as possible without pushing. I was also proud of Charlotte for doing her best to keep up with her older brother. She read lines as she went and learned a few new words today. They also made props and backgrounds for the different scenes. I'm not exactly sure what is to be expected of kids of 9 and 6 in the play writing department - but I was impressed.

There was a tiger and trees for the forest scene. Then they changed the background to mountains and there were snakes and a dragon and that blurry thing on the left is a spider. I thought it was all very nice for an impromptu Sunday theatre

Here are some of the original note cards Oliver wrote on - hilarious and great! Oliver is pretty smart about the world so it's endearing when his childlike perspective comes out. While writing this he was excited by the idea that maybe this will become very popular and he'll make a million dollars. I encouraged him that by building on these ideas, adding detail and depth and working on it over time that it may very well become a famous play. The idea that THIS wasn't perfect was not registering with him. Maybe someday soon I'll show him what a real play script looks like, but I don't want to create a scenario where he feels that what is professional is unattainable - so I may hold off. Yeah I probably will. In the typed version we added stage directions etc. Again - it was a pretty decent play for a Sunday afternoon's work.

We wrapped up our lovely weekend with salad and reading and the video I posted in the post above. That video may become a regular installation at our house. Maybe the kids can memorize it and perform it when they do forensics in high school. Or not...whatever. Off they go to their mom's house tomorrow and when we get them back it will be Christmas break and the week of Christmas. I'm excited to share that week with them - in KC.

Alright - now I need to work on sewing! Cheers y'all.

Fun and Love

2011-12-09T10:58:00.001-07:00

It's going to be a magical weekend here. I think we all need some fun and magic. I think it's going to be a pizza, hot chocolate, build a fort kind of weekend here - movies - fun - relaxation - peaceful love. We have some lessons to teach and learn (of which I'll explain in greater detail later) but other than that - I think we all need to just chill out and enjoy each other and remember the magic of youth.

The kids are at really special ages. Charlotte is still in the silly age a bit but her curiosity is growing all the time. Everyday she asks, "what does _____ mean?" I love that - it means she seeks knowledge and information - she is curious about the meaning of words and is learning. Oliver is inquisitive about the world we live in and about the big questions of life. He is so bright and can reason and analyze. I love how his brain works, mulls over hard ideas, thinks openly and creatively about the world, the universe and life. He's at such a special time - I am glad I am here to experience it and encourage him. He says when he thinks about things it makes his brain hurt - his inclination is to avoid that feeling - "But NO Oliver," I say, "that means your brain is alive and working - that is the best feeling - stick to it - don't be afraid of what you think!" But with all their thinking they still love to play make believe and I really want to embrace that while it still exists because I know, especially for Oliver, it's going to dissipate quickly.

We get in the habit of feeling like we need to GO DO fun things - but in reality - we really just need to sit and focus on the kids. We need to focus our attention on them - we need to talk to them - we need to interact with them. That love and focus of attention are infinitely more valuable to the kids than fun activities. Nick and I get lost in the hustle of a day - wake up, breakfast, clean, what to do?, lunch, clean, rooms are messy, more cleaning, what are we going to do for dinner?, plan, prepare, eat, clean, are the kids dirty?, baths and bam - before we know it - the day is gone - time for bed and we missed precious moments to love on the kids.

This weekend I want to be intentional about focusing on the kids. I want to listen to them talk, share with me their worlds. I want to focus on conversations with them. I want to find time to do some fun projects. I want their world to be magical this weekend. I believe deeply in the magic of childhood - but I get so focused on practicality and living in reality that I forget that children have to be helped to maintain their wonder and sense of limitless possibilities. I do my dead level best to maintain openness and wonder but I get absorbed in adult world - in the world of, "how are we going to pay our bills," "we have to get this finished today!" "we must be the best we can be by any measure" "we must" "we have to" "that's not how it works" and it seeps over to the kids. There are certain realities that we can't avoid, we have to do homework, eat well, get to bed at a decent time, wake up and go to school. Nick and I push the kids to do their homework well - rewrite answers to look better - think deeply - figure it out themselves - etc. We have high standards for the kids and we push them to work hard - I know it is the right thing to do - but I know it conflicts with allowing them to be silly and carefree. It's a natural part of growing up and I don't lament it - but there must be balance. If we live in the real world for the week - the weekends should be when their minds are allowed to expand, create, open up and exercise in ways they aren't pushed to do during the week.

So - This weekend - there are no prescribed limits - there is no "NO." This weekend we will live in the world of: YES!, magic, happiness, joy, wonder, imagination, wishes, make-believe, creativity, possibilities, opportunities, and fascination. This weekend we will create a magical world in our home - the world we all wish we lived in - the world where nothing is impossible, where we are all queens and kings and princesses and princes - where everyone is perfectly beautiful - where the nay-sayers are evil doers that must be vanquished. We will inhabit a world where peace and love are protected and cherished. We will paint and create and not be scared of spills or mess. Spills and mess are the sign that life is happening - that actions are being taken, experiments are tried and fun is being had. We will live in a world of crowns and jewels and super powers where pink fluffy skirts are the norm and every little boy is a knight in training. This weekend will dazzle and sparkle. This weekend will involve glitter and Christmas lights. This weekend we all live in the world of children.

(this will be tough to balance with the other thing I have to do this weekend - but more on that later.)

Do Not Do This

2011-12-06T18:20:00.001-07:00

Do not go to a coffee shop alone and take up the space of four people. This behavior is rude, inconsiderate and selfish. I don't care how big your binder is or how complicated the math is - you are taking up too much space! Do not be this man - do not do this.

Thoughts From a Coffee Shop

2011-12-06T16:54:00.001-07:00

* I'm amazed at the cross-section of subject matter being studied here tonight. We have, mathematicians, "The Idea of Race in Science," physics, combinatronics, artists, lit majors, phtogs etc. and that's just in my half of the coffee shop. I'm confident that if my half of the coffee shop survived some kind of cataclysmic event, we'd be able to rebuild the world.

* I'm doing something I've never done before - listening to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by the Smashing Pumpkins from beginning to end.

* I thought this up earlier ( I wonder ... when Lily was giving birth to Harry - did the doctor just say "Accio baby!" ? Or maybe that's how wizards induce. ?) and have two thoughts now: (1) I hope I remember to yell "ACCIO BABY!!!!!" if and when I ever give birth. (2) There is a pin on Pinterest that says, "I try not to laugh at my own jokes - but let's be honest - I'm hilarious."

* There are witty jokes and then there are jokes that you expect, they aren't clever, they're one-liners that you'd expect Danny to say on Full House. Maybe not Danny - maybe it's the sassy character - or the materialistic character - anyway - the line isn't original - it's typical and it's not funny. But sometimes to be nice - to be friendly - to branch out and interact with other humans we must utter these one-liners. Example - woman says to me,"I'm going to plug in my computer," aims for power strip. "I'm sorry - no - I'm using the whole thing." She makes exaggerated laughing face (it was kind of scary to be honest - she should find a new "THAT"S SO FUNNY" face - she reminded me of a gremlin. "No really - I need maximum energy." She plugs in her computer. ..... I sit back .... I can't decide if I'm annoyed at myself for saying what I said, for feeling like I need to say anything at all or at society for its norms that say we must be nice to strangers.

* Nick and I went to a poetry reading for Charlotte's class this morning - overall it was quite anti-climatic. Walking to her classroom I was shocked - shocked by the sheer number of hot pink little girl coats. It's as if there is some kind of shopping big brother that says, "IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE GIRL SHE MUST HAVE A PINK COAT OR YOUR WHOLE FAMILY DIES! PINK COATS ONLY FOR LITTLE GIRLS!!!!!!!!" Folks- blue, green, black, red, yellow, purple, white (though - white for a little kid seems silly) - different shades of blue, green etc. patterns - stretch yourselves - your family will not be summarily executed and your little girl's skin will not melt off if she does not have a pink coat. I promise.

* I wear my super hero hoodie to bolster my super hero powers. WOO!

* I'm a loud talker - but even I don't advertise my conversation with a friend in a coffee shop where people are reading and trying to study. At dinner and happy hour when we're being obnoxious and hilarious - sure! Coffee shop - no. It doesn't help that the loud-talker is wearing a beret. I'm not sure why it doesn't help - but it doesn't - any pause in the music is filled with loud-talker's noise. Loud-talking, beret-wearing, socially unaware butt head - QUIET DOWN - or I'm going to go Warrior Queen on you and make you wish you'd stayed home tonight! I left my warm cozy home filled with the people I love to come study - the last thing I need is your OBNOXIOUS mouth filling the void of time and space. You're sucking up the mental energy - QUIET!!!!!

* I've got to close this down - I'm getting nothing accomplished. Later!

Little Babies

2011-12-06T11:44:00.001-07:00

My goodness - they just grow up SO fast!

No Smokey For Me

2011-12-05T19:24:00.001-07:00

Back on November 1st I quit smoking (again). I haven't had a ciggy since then. Woo.

Got an Issue - Need a Tissue?

2011-12-05T01:22:00.001-07:00

We all have issues. These are not little things - they are big things. We have issues and they lurk in the dark corners of our brains waiting to spring an attack like that ninja cat or weeping angels (look them up - scary!) or some other terrible thing we forget about sometimes.

For the most part we do what we can to deal with our issues. For some this is a full on frontal assault - I'm hashing this out, right now, full stop. For some it's - I'm ignoring this - I will not let it control me - I'm above it. For some it's - I'm pretending this doesn't exist - lalalalalala. Some have patience, some don't, some eat their issues, some drink, others talk to their moms - whatever. Either way - no matter what - until the issue is actually processed and healthily dealt with - it will lurk. It lurks and sits and waits for some kind of trigger.

Triggers - that's the amazing thing about issues - the trigger depends on the issue and the trigger - the reason it's such an issue (for the most part) is because it's out of your control. See really - I think we as people who want to be healthy - do a pretty good job dealing with things in our control. Some things are hard to control and that takes effort etc. But - the things that really make us crazy - the issues - the things that we don't handle well - are things we can't control.

Maybe just not dealing with it is the best? nah - we all know that's not true- even though sometimes we act like it because we don't have the energy, strength or desire to deal with our issue. The thing is - problems occur in our intimate relationships when we don't or won't recognize that we have an issue with something. In the deep recesses of our brain - where our instincts exist - we know that having an issue with something - that has remained un-dealt with means it has a small amount of control over us. And usually the things we have issues with are the very last things we'd ever want to have control over us. So we ignore that (very apparent) fact and try to fool ourselves and others that we don't have an issue with X, Y, or Z. But we do - we have issues - it's okay.

It's okay to have issues. They suck to admit - they suck to face - but if we can all just accept that we have issues and get over the pride aspect (easier said than done) then we can get on to dealing with our issues properly instead of pretending they don't exist or ignoring them or whatever

So let's say you're there - in the super-market - you get a phone call from a friend - "did you see bla-dee-dee-bllaaa blllaaa?????" And you're off. .... gone. See you in 20 minutes BAM - trigger pulled and you're full on into an issue. Whoa bessie! Your issue just ninja-style chinese starred your afternoon. We've all had those moments. We all have things that just get under our skin and we can't shake - no matter how much we know it really shouldn't be a big deal.

With this in mind - I'm going to tell you something.....

Whether you're on the phone with your man - with your friend - your chicky - your mom - or journalling etc. AS SOON AS YOU SAY: "In reality it's not a big deal......" *******!!!!!!!!! ISSUE ALERT!!!!!!!!! *********** YOU HAVE AN ISSUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rationally or socially or however - cognitively you know you should not be whatever level of upset you are about what happened - but you are. You are upset and you can't really talk yourself out of it. Your trigger was pulled - your issue got activated and attacked you. Don't fight it - just admit it. You have an issue and you better start digging deep because as soon as you know you shouldn't be upset but you are - it means you have an issue. Issues are hard to resolve (that's why they're still there) and you're going to need to get your best person on the job. And you know what? When people have an issue and then react out of pride or hubris or ignorance to that issue - stupid shiz happens and that makes everybody's lives more difficult.

So - if you hear yourself reflexively saying those words - pause.... do the world a favor and pause. Admit to yourself in that instant that you have an issue. (Crap! issue!) follow that clause with, "but I have an issue so it's a big deal to me." Identify your issue, identify WHY you have that issue, and begin to process through it. Deal with your issue like a responsible adult. Maybe that's asking a lot - at least get through the first part. In the least - do everyone a favor and quit pretending you don't have an issue with something when you actually do. As I said - it's not bad to have issues - life is complicated - we get handed things we didn't plan on - things crop up - etc. It's not bad to have issues. What's bad is to have issues and let them sit and fester and take over your life because that infests your psyche and that creeps into your relationship and controls you and no one wants that.

In closing, I'll repeat: if you hear yourself saying those words - follow them with "but I have an issue so it is a big deal to me." And then deal with your issue. Make the world a better place - deal with your issue in a healthy way.

Confession # 13020 - 3298342

2011-12-03T22:46:00.001-07:00

This is serious - I'm not lying.

When I was little I heard that Toni Braxton got discovered at the gas station while she was singing to a song.

Every now and then I'll sing a little louder than is socially appropriate in the grocery store or other random places just in case I might get discovered.

CHRISTMAS PLAYLIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-02T14:22:00.001-07:00

A while ago Nick and I shared on the old FB that we were going to compile the ultimate Christmas songs playlist. In all honesty this ended up just being me that made the list because I got a little excited and Nick wasn't here. (Sorry babe!)

I must share - my enthusiasm for Christmas songs is remerging. Somewhere around 18 I became a serious Scrooge. The marketing and commercialization of Christmas, Christmas decorations before Tgive, the perversion of any sense of what it's supposed to mean, the around the clock Christmas crap music on the radio and that I wasn't really a Christian anymore just kind of ruined Christmas for me. I've gone through about almost 10 years of lack luster appreciation of Christmas. I've enjoyed being with my family - but I haven't been super gung-ho. I don't know what changed this year.... all those previous things are still true...but for some reason I'm pumped to the max-i-mum about Christmas this year. Maybe I've just turned into a big softie. ? I guess that's not too bad. I can still be hard and cold and rational when I need to be - but a softer, more sentimental side of me is making itself very much known. I'm okay with that. And I'm going to embrace it.

We're having Christmas in KC this year. I'm excited to see how Gigi has decorated. This was last year - and looking at the pictures on FB gives me little chills:

This year she'll hang little stockings for the kiddoes. How my mother has embraced two little step-grand-kids gets me weepy. More than anyone she has opened her heart and welcomed them in and loved them almost as if they were my own. That kind of support and love is priceless and the kind of love that makes a family true and forever. Thanks Gigi Mommy.

This year she's doing red and gold (? or silver?) on the tree. ... We will of course have wrapping to match. And as I said - I'm thankful for the $1.00 section at Target so we can participate in the matchy matchy Christmas decor. (The cheese doesn't end....one I open the flood gates...there is no stopping it.)

I'll even tell you this - while making this list - I got choked up. yes. Christmas songs touched me. Maybe because it's been a rough year, I'm thankful for the love and family I have, I'm grateful for a roof over my head, I'm ready to get to 2012, I feel pain for those in the world that aren't able to scrape by - that I'm just tender and sensitive and sentimental. A family from our church lost their Mom to cancer. Susan Varner - she was a Saint. I didn't know her personally very well - but I know her kids and they are amazing and it rips me apart that they just lost their mom. Susan was about the same age as my mother. You can't help but think about what if it was your mother. I'm thankful I still have my mother - I have no idea what I'd do without her - she is a rock - she is my supporter - I still need her guidance, compassion and love. About a year and a half ago (?) my grandmother Gloria had a heart attack. But she is still with us. I almost lost my love and the kids - I am immeasurably grateful that we're still a family - and that we're healthier and more unified than ever.

It hasn't been the best year - but there is still so much to celebrate. Maybe when there are struggles we cling all the more tightly to the things that are wonderful in our lives.

I had a really great time making this list - it brought back memories of what Beth was talking about yesterday - blaring Christmas music, decorating the tree etc. I have the most vivid image of my mother's antique shell ornaments and treating them with the most vigilant care as Valerie and I would hang them from the bows. And wrapping the lights - use three girls with our little arms, climbing on the arms of the couch to reach the top of the tree. Maybe one year Nick and I won't be just scraping by and we'll get a legit tree and some actual ornaments and have some cider/hot chocolate for the kids and mulled wine for us and we'll dress a real tree while we run around in PJ's and sing songs and laugh and decorate for Christmas.

No more blubbering - here's my list. There are some repeated songs because I couldn't decide between different versions.

Ray Charles – Winter Wonderland (I was surprised by how GOOD Ray is!)
Carole King – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Ray Charles – Little Drummer Boy (loooooovvvveeee ttttthhhhhhiiiiisssss)
Annie Lennox – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen  (this is surprisingly VERY good!)
Boyz II Men – Silent Night  (so good)
Ella Fitzgerald – It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
Sufjan Stevens – Away In A Manger (The whole Sufjan album is worth getting/listening to straight through)
Glee Club Ensemble – It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
Frank Sinatra – Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! - 78rpm Version
Jackson 5 – Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
Weezer – O Come All Ye Faithful  (WEEZER!? I never knew - but they did well!)
Weezer – We Wish You A Merry Christmas
Natalie Cole – The First Noel
Fiona Apple – Frosty The Snowman (surprise!)
Alice Smith – Silver Bells
Otis Redding – White Christmas  (I know this from Love Actually - it's a favorite - I listen to this in the summer as well.)
Pink Martini – White Christmas, Part 2 (feat. Saori Yuki)
Pink Martini – Santa Baby
Vic Schoen & His Orchestra – Jingle Bells
Judy Garland – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Elvis Presley – Here Comes Santa Claus - Here Comes Santa Claus
UCLA Madrigal Singers – Carol Of The Bells
The UCLA Madrigal Singers – Joy To The World
The UCLA Madrigal Singers – Pat-a-pan  (you can tell I was in Choir growing up - haha)
The Andrews Sisters – Twelve Days of Christmas
Christmas Hits – Winter Wonderland
She & Him – The Christmas Song  (She & Him is very good!)
Nat King Cole – The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas To You)
Eartha Kitt – Santa Baby
The Ronettes – I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Trans-Siberian Orchestra – Joy Of Man's Desire/Angels We Have Heard On High
Harry Connick, Jr. – What Child Is This? ( it was so hard to find a decent version of this song!)
Amy Grant – Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Weezer – Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Susan Boyle – O Holy Night
Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You - Original Version  (OF COURSE!)
Olivia Olson – All I Want For Christmas Is You   (so good - and reminds me of Love Actually)
King's College Choir, Cambridge – Angels, from the realms of glory
The Supremes – Oh Holy Night
Jackson 5 – Up On The House Top
Willie Nelson – Deck The Halls
Pink Martini – We Three Kings (you wouldn't have guessed Pink Martini - but there you go)
Jose Feliciano – Feliz Navidad  (Nick - I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!)
Aretha Franklin – O Christmas Tree
Il Divo – Ave Maria
The Cranberries – Ave Maria (nice style)
Barbra Streisand – Ave Maria  (AMAZING!)
Handel – Hallelujah Chorus  (makes me wish I was still in Choir)
Carpenters – Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)
Carpenters – Medley: Winter Wonderland/Silver Bells/White Christmas
Buddy – Auld Lang Syne  (pulls at me (tear!))

Some notes - Gigi - didn't we have a Diana Ross Christmas album? I couldn't find her Christmas stuff on Spotify - do I have the artist incorrect? Wasn't it a green cassette cover? Do you remember the other albums we used to listen to? Have you pulled out your Christmas music box yet?

SWANSON's - I just couldn't bring myself to put Cliff Richards...I'm sorry to disappoint - it just wasn't working for me.

Also - If Ellie Goulding, Adelle, Yeasayer, The Flaming Lips and Beirut could get on some Christmas albums I would greatly appreciate it. Don't tell me you wouldn't LOVE to hear Adelle belt out O Holy Night - spine chills!!!!!!

Christmas albums that were decidedly disappointing: Neil Diamond, Beach Boys and Chicago. I also do not appreciate Whitney, Mariah, and Christina over vocalizing every single song. Take a hint from Ella and Etta - just use your pretty voice and sing plain and clear - I like a good WWWOoooOWOWOWOW but doing that on every single note is just excessive and ruins the song. Who were your producers - they should have stopped that.

Anyway - Merry Christmas to all - I'm sure there will be more holiday musings here - I hope everyone can get past the commercial crap and focus on being with those you love. Fill your houses or apartments with spices, smells of cookies and even if you have little money - give the gift of love.

Random Wednesday: Much Ado about Ado?

2011-11-29T21:46:00.001-07:00

One - December 6th - The Black Keys will release "El Camino" the follow up to their earth-shattering, mind-blowing "Brothers." And all god's people said, "AMEN!" If you give them your email and such you can listen to five tracks now:

Two - We've gotten our Christmas season decorating on here at the Swanbell house. Lacking the space and funds for a big ole Christmas tree - we improvised with our rubber tree. I prefer a clean and clear space so the decor in the living room is pretty minimal.

Here's our little rubber/Christmas tree! It can't handle lights so it has some ornaments and red and silver ribbon tied in bows. Go with what you've got, yeah? Huge thanks to the $1.00 section at Target for supplying cheap holiday decor. Because of that blessed little section we're actually coordinating decor with my mother in KC who is also going Red and Silver/ Gold. Family! Holidays! Yay!

Up close.

Minimal for us - mayhem for the kids. They have gold garland circling their room, then multi-colored festive twisties hanging from the ceiling. Party time for the kids!

We put our little blue tree in their room. They remember and love this tree. It is the first tree Nick bought on his own and kept in OKC while he was there and when we had our first Christmas with the kids together. It is a special lovely little tree. Last year we did party Christmas time with all these fun colors - since we're not using them for the main decor this year, the kids got to use them. I'm a huge fan of the little bows on the tree. Again - use what you've got!

Three - As you may or may not be aware of - though I think I have mentioned this before: Mr. Man Swanson and I tend to get a little overwhelmed by the number of things going on and become unfortunately unproductive. It has been a depressing thwart to my life and the cause of a temporary downfall academically. Due to the advice of a great friend/mentor - I have gotten myself the book, Getting Things Done by David Allen. It's ridiculously brilliant. As I've said - I like things spelled out for me - I need to see them in print and I need it to be clear. Here is a sentence I really needed to read,

"It's possible for a person to have an overwhelming number of things to do and still function productively with a clear head and a positive sense of relaxed control."

It's possible. I can do it. I've been humbled enough to be able to accept that I don't know everything and that I need help. Thus the book.

An idea that poignantly applies to Nick and I is this:

There is a simple but profound principle that emerges from understanding the way your perceptive filters work: you won't see how to do it until you see yourself doing it.

It's easy to envision something happening if it has happened before or you have had experience with similar successes. It can be quite a challenge, however, to identify with images of success if they represent new and foreign territory - that is, if you have few reference points about what an event might actually look like and little experience of your own ability to make it happen.

We want to move, we want to live outside of the United States in jobs that edify us and in which we participate in the improvement of the world - but we've struggled because we don't know really how to make that happen. It often begins to loom large out in front of us and we struggle to grasp and reach for it. I was talking to my father this past week during Thanksgiving and said pretty much this very thing - I don't know how to imagine it because I've never really seen it happen before. I don't know many people (outside of missionaries) that have packed up, moved across the world, and both found jobs and been successful in their endeavors. What's great about this book is that it helps you manage and achieve larger lofty dreams and aspirations as well as the day-to-day grit and grime of your life. It gives you a method of thought and planning. It makes your efforts more intelligent. You don't have to recreate the wheel either - you just reorganize your way of thinking, things we normally do but maybe don't do in the correct way - or a way that maximizes our efforts.

More than anything I like how realistic this book is - it deals straight on with the fact that we all have WAY too much going on. But instead of telling us that's wrong - it accepts that's how life is these days and gives tools for how to thrive in this busy world without being a disaster. For the most part I like being able to do lots of things, be involved in lots of things and have lots of connections and ideas - I find that all those things enrich my life - I don't really want to give them up. I also don't want to run around like a stressed-out spaz. I'm excited about the clarity of mind and action this book will help me achieve. yay for positive steps!

Four - It is no secret I've enjoyed trying lots of recipes and ideas I've found on Pinterest. My newest favorite is this Aspirin Mask. I've done it twice and it works SO well. Two notes: 1. you really only need just a couple drops of water. Any more than a couple of drops and it will be too watery. 2. You can let the aspirin dissolve, which may make it more effective - BUT - I've found that not letting it dissolve all the way to softness makes the aspirin double as an exfoliate. Hoorah.

Relatedly here are links to more masks and an AT HOME FACIAL. More mask and scrub ideas here!

Five - Herman Cain is out of his mind. That is all.

Six - Have I written about this breakfast smoothie? It's awesome. Try it. It will make your life better.

Source: singforyoursupperblog.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Seven - So we all know about my tooth fairy anxiety issues. Well Charlotte decided she would write another note to the Tooth Fairy. I saw it under her pillow when I tucked her in a kissed her goodnight but the TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT! FAIL! She asked me about it the next day and told me the TF didn't come visit her and get her note. Luckily I am in the top 1% of the world's best bs-ers. I pulled some fancy shiz out of my booty really quickly and informed little Cha Cha that it was just too far away from when she'd lost her tooth.

"The thing is honey - think about all the little kids that lose teeth every day. The way the TF knows whose house to go to is because when you lose a tooth it shows up on the TF radar. Once she/he's gotten your tooth and given you money - you're off her/his radar."

"So the toothfairy forgets about me?" (CRAP!)

"No - you're not forgotten - she just doesn't know to look for you without a lost tooth under your pillow - there are just too many kids out there - and a letter under the pillow doesn't show up on the radar. You'll just have to remember your questions until your next lost tooth."

I then immediately asked to see which teeth were wiggly and assured her she'd be able to write the TF again very soon! I'm pretty happy about how I turned that one around. But see why I'm anxious? If you forget - they know!!!!!!!

Eight - I mentioned how much I hate being sick right? Well - I hate being sick. I hate the burning in the back of my throat - that moment of panic when you're coughing and your nose is plugged and you think you might run out of air. I hate when you're sleeping and you can feel all the snot drain from one side of your nose to the other side. I hate when you sneeze and the pressure in your ears gets off and you get stuck with that tunnel sound. But MOST of all I hate the Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer situation that happens when you've been blowing your honker for an entire day. Your face is raw, your nose is raw and it has been the case that my nose actually gets little cuts in the tip of my nose - gross! That is gross and it hurts and it just adds to the misery of the whole experience. Lame.

Nine - I'm very thankful I got to have Tgive dinner with my parents. They came to town last week. Brad and Valerie cooked a giant feast and we talked and pigged out and hung out. It was lovely. Love my family. (sorry Brad - not the best picture of you ever. Thanks for looking Nick.)

Ten - I changed the "about me" section of this blog - I got the kids Where the Sidewalk Ends for Christmas and was reading it the night I found it and got inspired and moved. I feel the poems included on that page are a better explanation of who I am and what I am about than the driveling prose that previously occupied that page. You can go enjoy it here: COME IN. Also - all the words that are a teal color are links to songs that I feel more or less correspond to the stanza/ poem quoted.

Also - if you check out Miscellaneous, sometimes you'll find updates of fun stuff. Okay - that is enough. Cheers!

*Yes I know it's Thursday....yah yah yah......

Sprouts!!!!

2011-11-28T20:12:00.001-07:00

Seriously overnight these babies popped out from the dirt! I think the mint is dying - but at least these guys are doing alright! Even better than alright. Very exciting!

Not surprising

2011-11-28T15:23:00.001-07:00

It is hard to be positive when you're broke, sick, the job you were supposed to work tomorrow gets cancelled and everyone on the road drives like they have their heads up their butts.

In other news though - has everyone seen the ugly renaissance babies tumblr? Hilarious.

Intentionality

2011-11-28T10:02:00.001-07:00

I'm not good at being intentional. Most of the stupid mistakes I've made in my life have been unintentional. I have just sort of bumbled and floated and hopped and wandered around in and out of trouble, in and out of good times. Around age 23 I became quite close to a brother/sister duo. They are great people and introduced me to the idea of being intentional about actions and thoughts and practices and feelings etc. It sort of rocked my world and that one idea has dramatically helped me become a better person. It's not that I didn't care about my actions or the effects they had - I just didn't really have the concept of being intentional. (strange to think about, I know.)

When I get off kilter it is because I have not been intentional about being balanced and healthy. With kids and love and work and life - it is necessary to maintain balance. As of late I've realized I've let negativity remain where I have wanted it out. Healing hurt and becoming healthy take a lot of intentionality - but it can also be exhausting emotional work. I tend to be really great at the uphill climb and then terrible at coasting - I slide right back into the pits. BUT - before I get to the pits this time - I'm reclaiming intentionality. Negative patterns require intentionality to be broken.

This week I am focusing on releasing criticism and the past. As a history major (sort of) I find great importance in the past, it creates the context of our lives as we know them now. However, without monitoring, this mentality can create an inappropriate emphasis on the past. I also like to analyze and process and think and learn from things that have happened - but without intentionality this can become negative criticism about all things past and present and future. I'm a harsh critic and I've learned - despite my hopes for myself - it's difficult for me to let go, give grace to people and allow people the space to improve.

This week will be about positivity, releasing the past and allowing life to move forward. Deep breath in - slow exhale - release.

Life is good. We are poor as dirt right now. Finding a job has been much more difficult than first thought - but we're making it work. We've made lots of positive changes and have decreased our expenses and are living as frugally as possible. We're happy. We're unified. I've been reading a lot about relationships again - particularly how to diffuse and prevent arguments. I've learned a lot of great stuff - maybe I'll share some of it later on. I feel healthy and I feel good about the steps we're making and developments in our lives. We are being intentional about our lives being positive and productive. We are channeling our energies well and I feel good about what is going on.

I hope everyone else is feeling positively and I hope everyone has a little time, space and energy to be intentional about being positive and healthy and balanced as well. Cheers.

Kids' Room Decor Crafty #5 (what number are we on?)

2011-11-25T22:06:00.001-07:00

Sew - you remember THIS PROJECT, well I have taken that project and have given it steroids. I seriously amped it up this last week. And I did my amping in not just one but two ways - whoa shiz-doodle I know - I'm out of control! Here's the result:

As you can see - I finally got around to doing the second side of the original shapes. This was a great addition - it adds weight to the lines as well as diversifies the color and creates a general sense of higher quality. In doing the second side I had to cut some more shapes, but then when that was done I had extra. I thought I'd cover up the utilitarian metal curtain rod the lines are hanging from with a line of shapes. I had extra still and the one line of shapes looked a little dinky so with the advice of my mother who had come to town to Tgive - I bulked up that top layer - it really makes the whole thing look a lot more finished and professional. I really like it.

Here are some close ups:

Because I like synchronized decorating I'll remind you of the owl project made of the same felt and how well it matches with the curtains. (Can you call those curtains? What would be the proper name there?)

The brown (aka ugly) door you see in the corner of the last curtain picture is the same door you see in this picture. For anyone that has to decorate and doesn't have a lot of money ... FELT IS THE WAY TO GO! I feel like I've been able to create classy, fun and original decorations for the kids' room without spending a fortune, it's good.

Scarfy Love

2011-11-24T14:32:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting here in my sister's lovely apartment while food is being made and conversations are happening and I'm soaking in all the family love. I have some down time and hopped on the compy.

We've seen all these ONE MILLION WAYS to TIE A SCARF pictures on Pinterest.

Source: 9gag.com via Jamie on Pinterest

I thought I'd try them out and review them for you: (sorry the pictures aren't smiley - but smiles get awkward - so I went with model time sullen face.)

A starting out photo for comparison - sans scarf.

#1: This is pretty standard and a great way to tie a scarf if you're going to be in and out and taking your scarf off and putting it back on a lot. Also - this is a great manly style for a scarf.

#2: I recommend a super long scarf for this style because this tie eats up your scarf. You can see the fringe at the end of the scarf right there at the bit of the picture already. If you practice this style it could go on quickly, but for the first couple of times you might need your compy in front of you.

#3: This was hard to get a photo of - It's pretty easy to imagine what it'd look like. I think the push behind the back looks a little matronly but that's just me - but with a great scarf and the right dress it could look really elegant. On the other hand I REALLY like it with the knot in front. AND you can combine this style with another style I love that I'll show in a bit.

#4: This one is also a really simple easy tie. My scarf is a bit shorter so I didn't wrap the scarf twice around my neck. I have some longer scarves that work really well with several wraps and I love it. To do a one wrap just place the scarf in front of your neck and wrap. I also like to complete this tie with a knot in front.

#5: This is a great way to tie - but again you'd need some practice to be able to do it quickly. But for those autumnal art walks, hay rides or a Plaza lights viewing or for a city dweller and you're going to spend a lot of time in this scarf - you'd be set with this tie style.

#6: This would be a great scarf style but you have to be willing to commit your scarf to this for a little while ... well at least if you don't want to tie and untie your scarf all the time. But I really do like the way it looks and it's super easy.

Here's another style of wrapping/tie that works really well. You basically just tie a series of knots - I find three normally works - in a row down the tie.

The variation of #3 I was talking about is this:

Oh - here's another style I do as well. This can also be another style that is good for men. I think it would look great with a men's jacket. Mr. Man has a nice black scarf my mother got him from India and it looks SO great with dress shirts and with a jacket. You basically wrap the scarf around until it looks like #6 but tighter and then I tie it in a little knot at the end:

I hope your winter is warm and happy and that you find ways to look better and feel better about yourself. It's funny how a little time spent on an accessory can make your outfit look better and you feel a little better kept and a little more fancy and special.

Emotional

2011-11-23T23:00:00.001-07:00

There is a bad colloquial phrase that I would like to dispel. This phrase is: "I'm an emotional person" and its opposite, "I'm not an emotional person." We all know what it is supposed to mean: "I'm emotional" means - I cry easily, I react emotionally etc. "I'm not emotional" means, I'm logical, I don't cry easily, I react slowly and think things through. The sentiment behind it is true - but the phrasing of the idea is wrong. The thing is: we're all emotional. There aren't people who don't have emotions. We all have emotions. The differences are in the way we're able to recognize our emotions, talk about our emotions and handle our emotions within ourselves.

I've spoken before about men being emotional, but the emotions they typically feel strongly and the way they deal with them are different than women. Women are then stereotyped or casted, branded, labeled, assumed to be emotional and men aren't. The idea of being emotional has a connotation of being weak, flimsy, over-reactive and not well-founded. Men have used such characterizations to perpetuate ideas that women are emotional and therefore their opinions are not as valuable as male opinions. (hidden premise: males are not emotional.) Sadly women play into this everyday. EVERYDAY. Admittedly I have played into this myself, though a while ago - but still.

The truth is - male or female - we're all emotional. Maybe there is something physiological that causes women to be overcome with emotion more often than men. Or maybe it is that society is more accepting of the female display of emotion and so women are more able to allow themselves to be overcome with emotion - whereas men are then forced to suppress their emotions thereby creating unhealthy emotional behaviors. Poor men. Subjugating and hurting themselves. But we know this happens. It is sad still though.

Both men and women think things through, both men and women overreact based on emotion, both men and women cry at movies or babies or when they've been hurt. There's no - emotional or not - there's no - black and white here. BUT - as much as people unhealthily shove down their emotions - sometimes people play into them too much. There must be balance from both ends of the spectrum.

I have not always been good at recognizing my emotions, dealing with my emotions, allowing myself to feel the more negative emotions, especially sadness, disappointment, fear and hurt. I am better at communicating my emotions once I have realized them than I used to be , unless it is the emotion of hurt, that still takes a lot of time. I am getting better. I am getting better at not putting on a happy face, at talking about my insecurities and fears and pain. I am emotional. I'm just not very good at dealing with the emotions I feel.

No more "I'm emotional" - "I'm not emotional"..... blah - it's not an accurate phrase. Let's speak phrases that represent truth, let's use sentences that more accurately articulate actuality. We're all emotional - it's just about how we handle the emotions.

Tgive gobble gobble

2011-11-23T12:03:00.001-07:00

As we know I am not a super holiday person. And tgive isn't exactly the most reputable holiday - though I am a huge fan of gratefulness. However I do get very excited about Tgive - for one reason - food. Food food food food: turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, maybe some corn, bread, yummy yummy yummy and then BOOM SHAKALAKA PUMPKIN CHIFFON PIE!!!!!!! Tummy heaven. Waistline expanding - but totally worth it!

The parents are coming into town - on their way now - good to have family time - good to hang out and relax. I hope everyone else out there has a good day - feel free to regale me with food stories - much love!

Plants Again!

2011-11-20T12:24:00.001-07:00

Some casualties of the Catastrophic Summer 2011 were the plants. Every plant except our rubber trees died. It was sad - but it makes sense. I actually had a struggle with growing plants this summer. I felt like I had been focusing on things I didn't really like in order to build some kind of required 'home' situation. I had never really been into gardening or plants before last year and I thought in my angry phase that I was giving away parts of myself in order to be some kind of quazi-homemaker type.

The truth is Nick and I dream about retiring in Italy with a villa and enough space in our backyard to grow tons of fruits and veggies and herbs. I'll return to that idea later.

Planting started with a trip by the $1.00 section of Target. A blessing and a curse that section is, I tell you! I saw those little plant pots and thought that would be a great thing to do with the kids and a great way to get them involved and aware of the ecosystem, the process of life, the need to feed the plants etc. The whole thing grew from there.

I got really excited about having all kinds of plants and flowers in the apartment. As we expanded our inside garden I got some big containers and started us out with some oregano, basil and mint. We were bringing our retirement dream a little closer to now.

The truth is - our little inside garden didn't detract from the other things I love, it added to my life. Our little inside garden brought our retirement dreams to the present and the beauty of green into our little apartment. With those understandings I got excited to get plants going again.

CILANTRO!!!!!

MINT! Taken from one of those
Target herb packets with the roots.

I am excited to get some greenery growing again. We'll probably do more once spring arrives.

An Honor, A Boy and a Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

2011-11-19T22:29:00.001-07:00

Generally it seems kids are embarrassed by their parental types. I feel very fortunate that Oliver and Charlotte think I'm cool. It gives me a lot of street cred with them and they trust me on clothes, music, decor etc. It makes life easier - it's also a huge honor. I hope it stays that way for a very long time. Recently Charlotte bestowed a great honor upon me - she said she wanted to get her hair cut just like mine - complete with swoopy bangs. Whoa! I was totally flattered - it was such a great feeling. I waited two weeks to make sure she wanted that for sure. She stuck with it - so chop chop it went! And since we got matching hair cuts and it was the first time I'd taken the kid for this kind of activity and I'm a little cheesy when it comes to "firsts!" I got a few photos.

SWOOP!

YAY!

She was all about the swoop and loved having it in her face...funny kid. Of course all the women in the salon were 'ooh-ing' and 'awww-ing' "SHE's SO CUTE!" and she totally is/was! I wish her swoop wasn't so much in her face for the picture - but you can't mess with swoop. So alas.

Oliver was a trooper and did really well - minus once I got my hair trimmed and they both started running around. But with a little "this is not a playground, you two need to sit down please," they were good to go the rest of the time. Oh - except when Charlotte was picking up hair... I never quite got why she wanted the hair - but it was quite fascinating to her.

She got a little shy when I wanted to get a photo of her by herself...her shyness is so interesting...it does lots of funny things to her. When Maribell was cutting her hair - she asked for Cha's name....Charlotte got the goofiest expression on her face and didn't answer....I don't think she could have answered. It's not the first time I've seen it. She was super struck with shyness at the cheerleading clinic - it was painful to watch. I don't come from a shy people - so this is entirely new to me. I try not to push her but I don't want her be to taken as being rude....but I also don't want to do that super condescending silent whisper to the adults present, "she's shy." Often I'll just tell them sometimes in front of Cha sometimes later, "She's really shy - I hope you weren't offended - she wasn't trying to be rude." I don't want to apologize and say, "Sorry - she's really shy!" Her being shy is nothing bad - but I don't want people who've tried to be nice to be put off. Shyness is humdinger. I just hope I don't make Charlotte feel alienated or not okay to be herself or that I think she's not okay. It is really awkward sometimes though. I'm sure adults understand. It's also kind of hard because Charlotte is so ridiculously wonderful and interesting and funny and for others to not get to experience that feels like they are missing out on who this amazing girl really is.

shy.

I got a more cheeky Cha Cha shot at lunch:

Swoop was pinned back for lunch. I'm surprised she's
smiling she was not happy about no swoop.

Also flattering.... Oliver wanted to sit across from me because it's easier to look at someone when they're across from you - not next to you. Nice one kid. It helps make seating arrangements easier - Cha always wants to be next to you - and it used to be a bit of an argument - but with Oliver's new perspective - deciding where to sit is a much smoother process. Was it two weeks ago???.... Oliver, Cha, and I went to dinner and we were still standing at the table deciding who was going to sit where when the waiter walked up.... yeah.......

Oliver had a man-bag with him the whole day
so was pleasantly occupied.

In other news - Nick and I were preparing for bed the other night and after I got out of my clothing - out of sheer curiosity - I said, "NICK! try on my clothes! Let's see if they fit!" Honestly - I did not think they would ACTUALLY fit ... well - the tank top I did because it's stretchy - but the jeans!? At least he's skinny so I can't feel like too much of a gordo.

(BRACE YOURSELF!)

That's not disturbing at all is it?
Yes of course he had to put on my bra too!
Facebook profile pic!? Yes? No?

My jeans look surprisingly good on his bottom.
From the back, with the curls, it's a little scary -
he could almost be an unfortunately muscularly
built chick. Every girls dream.

Happy Weekend!

Water Water Water Water

2011-11-17T19:23:00.001-07:00

Water is the liquid of life. Yet - I find myself going from coffee to wine or beer or margarita or vodka soda (you get the idea) without having conscientiously consumed much water at all. This results in two things: 1. water guilt - the guilt caused by knowing you have not had enough water to drink and 2. I awaken suddenly in the middle of the night, parched with a burning throat and grab the nearest water bottle or glass and chug about half of it and then go back to sleep. Inevitably I will vow to drink more water the next day - but coffee always happens first - it's regrettable.

So - as I am striving for greater health I decided I should get a better understanding of how badly my body really does need water. While beer does have a certain amount of water in it - I'm sure my body would appreciate having the water solo. So here is some information I rounded up:

First - we all know our body weight is about 60% water. (55%-78% depending on body size and composition, muscle holds more water than fat.) That's cool. So obviously our bodies and water are friends. We should consider drinking water as having a party for our body! Wow! already drinking water is way more fun.

Second - besides just being buddies, water is a super helper for your body. Here is a little picture:

A few notes - your brain is 90% water! Water and your brain are practically the same thing (what?) - depriving your brain of its primary component is not a good idea. Also - water is in your blood, bones, joints, muscles. That must be why dehydration causes tiredness, dulls critical thinking, hinders athletic ability, gives you cotton mouth, muscle weakness, dizziness, and why you die so quickly without water. I know you're thinking - "yeah yeah yeah - heard it all before." But really - it's very important.

Here's something else that you probably knew but of which you should be reminded: drinking water helps you lose weight! You've heard of an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how about - 8 glasses a day keeps the fat away!? Here's how it works: First, water helps suppress the appetite naturally and helps metabolize stored fat. Here's the skinny on that (ha!):

The kidneys can't function properly without enough water. When they don't work to capacity, some of their load is dumped onto the liver. One of the liver's primary functions is to metabolize stored fat into usable energy for the body. But if the liver has to do some of the kidney's work it can't operate at full throttle. As a result, it metabolizes less fat more fat remains stored in the body and weight loss stops

So - yeah - where is that bottle of water? As a bonus - here is a recipe I found for extra help getting skinny with water that is a little dolled up:

Source: sitnoseckano.blogspot.com via Jessica on Pinterest

One lemon, one cucumber and 10-12 mint leaves and bam! your water is more than just plain water that helps you lose weight - now it's enhanced! Boom! Pow! Judo Chop! SKINNY!!!!

Back to science. When your body thinks it does not have enough water and it's not going to get enough water soon - it retains water. Helllo bloat. So - to get your body to release that water - you have to drink more water so your body isn't in desert survival mode. I find this to me difficult - 1. because there are so many other things I like to drink and 2. I hate pumping myself full of water, feeling weighed down and then going pee every 5 minutes. But it is necessary. And once you bust through the discomfort - your body regulates and you'll be good to go.

So we've learned that water pretty much helps everything in your body function better AND it helps you lose weight. Hooray for water! Part II. How much water should you drink?

WELL - I discovered that the 8 x 8 rule is a little bit exaggerated in its miracle status. There isn't evidence that drinking THAT much water a day is SUPER beneficial to your health. It doesn't hurt - but it doesn't necessarily help either. So where does that leave us?

The Mayo Clinic says the average man at temperate climate should drink 3 liters or 13 cups of water or liquid a day. The average woman should drink 2.2 liters or 9 cups a day. (that's actually MORE than 8 glasses...crap!) But here's the thing - notice that I said, "average" and "temperate" ... it's a no brainer but the amount of water you need depends on some variables:
1. High altitude? Need more water.
2. Excess fat? Need more water.
3. Working out? Need more water.
4. Hot or dry climate? more water.
5. Sick? more water.
6. Pregnant or Breast-feeding? more water.

That seems like a ton of water to me - but the good news is - food provides 20% of your water intake and you can drink juice and other liquids to contribute. But you have to consider that some of the liquids we love are diarrhetic and lead us to lose some of that water.

A few final notes:
- Did you know that you can expel between 2 - 4 cups of water just through breathing? (I know some heavy breathers out there that make me suggest that number is higher for some.)
- You lose 6 cups of water to the toilet, 2 cups from your armpits - not counting exercise sweat. - that's a lot of liquid.
- Water stays in your body and is more effective when you sip rather than gulp.
- Cold water adapts to your body better than warm water.
- Consider what you're NOT drinking when you're drinking water. Instead of polluting your body with soda and other fat infested beverages, you're actually helping your body! Double bonus points there.
- Since the earth's surface is about what...75% made of water - by drinking water you're also sort of being one with the earth and that's very happy.

There are some nay-sayers that say water isn't a affective as others claim it to be - BUT - if you get dehydrated the shit hits the fan with your body... or not because you'll be constipated. I think the safest way to go is WATER water water water!!!!

Hair

2011-11-16T16:30:00.001-07:00

I have hair envy. If only I could have those curls in blonde. Maybe we'll have a daughter one day and she'll get his curls and my blonde and I can live vicariously through her.

Fancy Family

2011-11-16T13:02:00.001-07:00

Jim Lehrer is one of my grandmother's cousins. He's fantastic and hilarious and sharp and ohhh did I forget to mention? The anchor of the PBS news hour and moderator of 11 Presidential debates. (it's cool you can be impressed) I've been pretty proud to be connected to him - he's not a shabby representative for the family. As I am also a huge fan of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show you can imagine my boundless enthusiasm when I saw that my cousin was on the show! (He was on Sept. 13th, 2011, don't know how I missed that.)

For your viewing pleasure:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Jim Lehrer

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

Rules of the Game

2011-11-15T23:03:00.001-07:00

Life is dictated by certain rules, myths, language. As a parent you have the ability (for the most part) to create the rules, decide which myths are important and not, and what language will be used in your home or not. As a step-parent you come into a place where (for the most part) those things are already prescribed. Some of those things may be very contrary to what you would have chosen, some things may be dictated by your co-parent, some things may have been set out by the other parent, some you may agree with, some not, some may be totally normal for society, but may have been something you would have planned to challenge as a parent. If you're as lucky as I am and have a person who genuinely wants to be a parent WITH you, give you authority and make decisions on parenting with you - as new things come up you get an equal say. That is life giving, that is affirming, that is at least for me, necessary.

However, the older the kids are before you meet them, the more rules, myths and language has been set out, lived with and prescribed. Here too I was lucky in that the kids were just about 3 and 6 when I met them. So I don't mean this as a complaint, just an observation, as I know it can be SO much worse. Even still - as a step-parent, one of the hardest things is to feel like I don't have the full authority of a parent to make rule-changing decisions.

If I was a parent and blew the tooth fairy for my kid...well - honestly - I'm not totally sure I care if my kid believes in the tooth fairy...but with a step-kid - like hell I'm going to be the one that blows it. nuh -uh. Santa? I'm not demythologizing him either. I don't have that kind of authority. In as much as Nick and I agree about things - then sure - I can be the one to SAY things some times or the one to lay the law down if I'm the one that's there. But - am I in charge of these children's metaphysical beliefs? I don't think so. I will answer questions, I will tell them what I think, and I will make them answer my questions when they say silly things to me - but am I in charge of it? no. Do I say whether the kids WILL or WILL NOT go to church? no. That is for their mother and father to decide on their respective Sunday's. Now - Nick and I engage in collective decision making - and so that is good for us. But there is a line.

It's the kind of line that you don't know it's there until you're faced with it. You don't know that it constrains you until you feel yourself butting up against it. Often you're there alone and you have to make decisions on your own. Even though Nick and I have disagreements with the children's mother - we would never in a million years do something to discredit her in the kids' eyes. That weighs on you. How she chooses to run her house DOES weigh on us. Nick too I think...maybe this is more of just a divorce issue than a step-parent issue. I don't imagine Nick would just blow off the TF thing without talking to their mother first and having an agreement that, "yeah TF is lame - let's not worry about it anymore."

This is getting a little off topic. What I really wanted to share - to put into words - is a small tension you feel as a step-parent. Parents ... most parents, I think, feel a little uneasy and wonder "am I doing this parenting thing correctly?" Parents second-guess themselves, they have doubts, they wonder if they are messing up their kids. Step-parents have this too - PLUS the added stress of it not being your kid. It's one thing if you wreck your car, it's worse if you wreck someone else's car that they entrusted to you. In your car you'd take risks, you'd maybe cut off that slow or jack ass driver....in someone else's car you'd feel much more timid to do so. I think THAT feeling adds a lot of stress to step-parenting.

Sometimes I am lame to the max.

2011-11-15T14:27:00.001-07:00

I just wrote the lamest, whiniest emails to a good friend, to one of my girls - hang on - I'll share it for openness sake and so just in case you've ever wondered if anyone else has ever felt like this - now you know that at least I have:

I'm feeling kind of depressive and weird and coming to book club feels like a momentous task. I don't know what is wrong with me. I want to come, I want to see your lovely face and hang out and talk about the book - but I just feel like blah..... I'm not done with the book, it's my Papa's 80th and I'm not in KC to celebrate, I have a weirdo job and havent heard from the people giving me a new job and I have acne and I feel fat. I feel like crawling in a ball and watching Love Actually - giving into the fat and eating ice cream - crying and journalling and getting drunk in the middle of the day by myself. I feel really lame and I don't really know what to do.

White girl problems much? Geez. Hold on there was a part 2:

I feel like I can't get anything done and something is wrong with me. I don't know how to find motivation and ambition. I feel unfocused and weird. I need a job - I need something to do - I need to do the things I have to do but I can't get myself to do any of it. I want to take a bath but I'm not dirty. I feel a little bit like a freak of nature.

wah wah wah. It's true - I feel like a 100% waste of space. I could be doing a million things with all this time I've had - but I haven't and I don't - and for some reason even though I know i could be doing more - I can't bring myself to get the motivation to do it. Oh geez - and I read this earlier on pinterest (oh my heart) and almost started crying....crying!

MOTIVATION! "Set your alarm for 6am. Don’t groan when it goes off and pull the covers over your head, get up and start your day. Put on a baggy top and running shorts. Go downstairs and pour yourself a nice big glass of ice water. Cut up some fruit and mix it in with yogurt. Add some granola. Now go outside. Stretch for 10 minutes. Skip for 5 minutes. Jog for 10 minutes. Run for 10 minutes. Walk back. Lay out a towel on the ground and lie down on it. Do 50 crunches. Yes, they hurt, but they are 100% worth it. When you’re done, get in the shower. Use a nice smelling shampoo and matching conditioner. Shave your legs and wash your body. Exfoliate your face. Get out of the shower and let your hair air dry. Look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? If you do, good for you. Do this every day and you will continue to love yourself. If you don’t like what you see, do this every day and pretty soon you will. Being lazy might feel good at the time, but being active feels better in the long run. How badly do you want it?"

What? Did any of you get weepy during that? This month I've been trying to be healthier, workout etc I haven't done it everyday and I've been trying to not beat myself up about that because I have been working out 3-4 x's a week and if I don't it's because the kids are here or I'm working at my blue collar job which burns a shit ton of calories and uses muscles. I am currently letting my lunch settle just a bit before I go on a run/jog/walk - whatever happens. I've been doing 2 or 3 miles and it's been fine.

There is a kind of hopelessness about this recession/economy/political landscape right now that is a serious bummer. There is something about me right now that is a serious bummer. I feel discontent and unable. I feel like this diarrhetic explosion of words onto this blog is the only thing I can manage to do right now and I'm not even doing that well. I want to work on my writing. I want to excel at articulating thoughts and I ideas and all I do is vomit onto this digitized page.

Also - I have learned - I know jack shit about curtains. I want curtains - we need curtains. I bought fabric and I don't even know what to do with it. I don't even know what kind of curtains I would like or what would look good in the apartment. I'm too idle. I feel the need to do everything at once and nothing at all. I don't know what is important and what is not important. Everything seems meaningless and yet part of the simple things of life. Am I settled in? Am I too settled? Am I depressed? Am I just lazy? Am I in a deep lethargy without a way out? Am I just biding my time like college student during the summer - being sa useless as each day allows? What am I doing? If I am discontent with what I am doing - why not change what I am doing? How does one do that?

How do I will myself out of bed at 6 am? How do I become a morning person when I'm a night person? How do I get myself to be more productive? How do I push myself? Eventually finances will push me and force me to do something if this job doesn't come through - but what? Alright - I need to go on my run now before it starts getting colder - I hate being mushy around the belly but i hate running in the cold more so if I don't get out there now - the day is lost.

I hope everyone's day and self-perception is better than mine right now. Feel free to comment and whine and complain and rant and whatever if you're not doing better.

I am very thankful for my friend that I wrote to - she's wonderful. Hooray for our people.

Real life post.

2011-11-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

Before I get to the substantive component of this post - I need everyone to know that Nick is cooking dinner and singing (and I'm sure, dancing) to Lady Gaga. He just turned up, "I am my hair" - it is hard to conceive of him being any more perfect. He is absolutely the best man I could have ever imagined being with. It's a cheesy heart bursting moment. (sigh)

Okay - so I thought I should give a little up date post about things going on here:

As we know I am not in school right now. I may go back this summer - I may finish up this next fall. Either way I intend to be finished as of December 2012.

(Nick just popped into the living room to say, "I quite like this." "me too! I was dancing around to it earlier while cleaning." and now he's back confirming that the lyrics do in fact say, "I am my hair, I'm as free as my hair." Then he gave a hair shake and shimmy. I never really know if I should keep these little moments to myself or share them. They are so great though - (I hope this doesn't embarrass you love!) - I have to share at least sometimes.)

After graduation, I'll have a JD and a MA. My JD will be (I think so) accompanied with a certificate in international law. My MA will be International Studies, focus on Comparative Politics, my studies have centered on Post-Conflict Reconstruction. As of right now I have no idea what I will do. I will definitely be applying for jobs in my MA field. Law school was great - but I rather use my legal knowledge for policy purposes than as a lawyer trying cases. I love my Master's work. I love policy, I love politics. Ideally I would get a job as a project coordinator or some mid-level job. I need experience in the field. I will be applying for jobs all over the world. I don't know how soon that would entail a move - but the market is saturated with students graduating and you have to be flexible. I will literally be open to moving almost anywhere. Nick is up for this as well.

One huge problem we face is: What will Nick do? We've thought about grad school for him, art and marketing, teaching English, .... etc. It's a little bit of an issue and we're not sure how that will work out right now. Nick has so many interests and is so great at so many things it's hard to know what to focus on. It's hard to know if he/we should focus on dreams, or pragmatics, or ngo's, or ??? We just don't really know. It's a ridiculously big deal - and we just don't have an answer. It's been stressful but we're united and I do my best to support him - it's just hard to know how, or what is the best way.

As for right now - I have been working with Nick off and on at a moving company. We're blue collar baby! We wear dickies and have collared t-shirts. It's pretty sexy. He makes more than me there so when it comes to a scheduling issue - I'm default stay-at-home mom. At least this is what we HAVE been doing. I've applied to some jobs and nothing has turned out yet - except for a new thing that I hope will be a great practical experience opportunity that will enhance my theoretical education.

We were at work and due to a shuffle of cars/vans/trucks we ended up riding from one site to another with one of the VP's at this moving company. The night before Nick and I had a heartfelt talk about this job not exercising our talents and abilities and that we needed to move up or on soon. With this in mind I asked Melissa if one were to want to move up in this company how that might be done. One kind of awkward and accidental conversation later and I am now expecting a phone call this week for a position as a coordinator for this VP, Melissa. As we spoke about it she said there may be international aspects to this job. That would be great. She has spoken to both Nick and I since the initial conversation. I have enough income to scrape by right now - but if this can get rolling by the end of the week - that would be fantastic.

We have an ongoing discussion about Nick's job situation. He's spending his time as a blue collar worker employing none of his many talents - it seems like a waste of time. He does a good job of painting and things here - and he got a gig hanging in a local coffee house in December. Progress is being made on that front. However - he is better than a blue collar job. I don't mean that in an elitist way - I just mean - he has so much to offer in so many areas - it seems like a waste of personhood to be there pushing boxes. But how to break into the international field? How to get an HR job when he's got 3.5 years of experience and everything calls for 5 years? The market is saturated with applicants. It's been rough. Nick has felt demoralized, depressed and burnt out. It's been awful. He took some time off from applying and just rested and he's got his gusto back and is ready to apply his heart out. But the thing is - is it really better to find an office 9-5 job or to do what he's doing now? I think maybe a 9-5 would give some good stability - but I also love the flexibility of his schedule as it is now. I also want him to have time to paint etc. Maybe we just really have to suck it up - both of us - put our noses to the serious grindstone.

I have been thinking a lot about success and the meaning of life and work and what kind of work we would ideally do - it's hard to say. There are some things I would work 80 hours a week for - but I wouldn't do that for just anything. But then there are goals and maybe we should get more serious about our goals. I used to be very ambitious - exceedingly - but Ive come to see that as a bad thing - maybe there is a needed balance. I'm very anti-stress right now too - but maybe some stress is good - a little fire under your ass you know?

Alright - dinner is ready and this is a long post already - time for some Carbonara made with the fantastically handsome hands of my man. Cheers.

Teeth.

2011-11-13T22:31:00.001-07:00

The whole tooth fairy thing is a really big deal and it carries a lot of weight (read: stress). There is an expected direct and immediate result to an occurrence: lost tooth. It springs itself on you - out of nowhere - BAM! lost tooth. It's not like Christmas - you don't prepare for a month or more....or at least know you should be preparing. I mean honestly - how many parents go, "my child is in the tooth loss stage - I should make sure I always have some cash on hand." ..... ? As a first time tooth fairy - I'd like to share my experience.

So the child - age 6 - cute little girl - a one - Charlotte Swanson - has lost 2 teeth prior to this one. Both teeth have been lost at her mother's, once on a Sunday and it came to us. Nick did tooth fairy duty and we gave her $7 in quarters....what? We didn't know. How much do you give? And quarters were all we had. If I remember correctly, don't think we even counted. When she counted them out in the morning we were both surprised ...

Anyway so I've never done the tooth fairy thing before. Oh - I think there was maybe a tooth thing with Oliver when he was younger - Nick took care of it. That's beside the point...or is it? I don't know. Anyway. We were all sat around hanging out before dinner. Cha had mentioned a wiggly tooth - but hadn't been obsessively wiggling it like she normally does when one is really wiggly and we hadn't really been keeping track. She gets her water bottle - takes a drink and then BAM! there is a tooth in her hand, then my hand, then she's to the bathroom, then we're all, "ohman can you eat dinner?" "oh dude - that's kind of gross." "oh Cha are you ok?" "Dude sit here - we're putting this on FB so everyone can see." ....

bottom left

So - how did I get on TF duty? Nick worked from 6:30 am until 7:30 pm yesterday - a whopping 13 hours. After dinner and disappointing the children by telling them - "sorry - it's too late and our computers are lame and not loading netflix- we can't watch Dr. Who tonight," Nick pretty much became dead to the world. Out - like a light. boom - gone - asleep - I had to drag him to bed.

So there I was. I had to wait for both children to fall asleep and be REALLY asleep. Nick would laugh at me here because he constantly reminds me that when the kids go to sleep - they are dead to the world. I however was a light sleeper and faked being asleep at all kinds of times to find out all sorts of stuff when I was little. There was NO WAY I was messing up the TF thing - whether she actually believes it or not. (Children's actual beliefs in mystical creatures is subject for another post.) So I waited, and while I waited I stressed out about not having any cash. We didn't have change either. Poor Nick had to endure me being a little psychotic about TF $$. This continued off and on for about an hour until I remembered a friend had given me cash the night before! BAM! I felt like a serious success.

So I got my fiver and crept in stealthy ninja mode into the kids' room. I slipped my hand under her pillow - pulled out the tooth - and then slipped the $5 under the pillow. My heart was racing - but I did it. I got out of the room - no one woke up - SUCCESS!

Today we told her she had to write a thank you note. You should have seen the look of "WHAT?" on her face. haha. But she wrote it and put it under her pillow. Nick said to make sure we got it and we may have to write her back because she asked a question, "what do you do with the teeth?" It would be bad to tell her the TF is keeping the teeth to raise an army right? I don't really know what to say other than that. "Great Question! i put them in my tooth library where each tooth is labeled with your name, age, and date that you lost the tooth. I have everyone's teeth stored there." .... I'm not sure that's less creepy.

Alright - I'm sleepy now - so I better go get the letter and write a response.... As if parents don't have enough to worry about....why do we perpetuate myths that give us more work?

Hell

2011-11-09T23:21:00.002-07:00

Shit like this makes my brain explode. In my anger book it says there is a kind of anger....or a specific cause of anger ..... anger caused by injustice or how the world works. I understand that some anger is wrong... blaming is not good, criticizing others is not helpful etc. And I suppose once I get to that chapter, the book will tell me not to act out of my anger or let it consume me - but let's be honest: I will never not be angry at shit like this:

Upon learning about a suspected 2002 assault by Sandusky of a young boy in the football building’s showers, Paterno redirected the graduate assistant who witnessed the incident to the athletic director, rather than notifying the police. Paterno said the graduate assistant who reported the assault, Mike McQueary, said only that something disturbing had happened that was perhaps sexual in nature. McQueary testified that he saw Sandusky having anal sex with the boy.

And - I will never not stand up (even if it's just on FB or my blog) and say - this is ridiculous. You've got to be fucking kidding me. What the hell is wrong with people? This makes me sick. Here's another little snippet:

"Many students have shown their support for Paterno with large rallies outside his home and at Old Main. After Paterno was fired, thousands of people gathered in front of the administration building, throwing objects and chanting “We want Joe!” "

Do those students have any idea what actually happened? Or have people just absolutely lost the concepts of responsibility, leadership, integrity, protection, innocence, violation and predator? Oh! That's right - football is more important than the safety and innocence of children. Right....right....got it. Sure. Well - here's a suggestion. How about all of you that are protesting sign up to get a man's penis shoved up your ass..... oh you don't like that? hmmmm.... or oh - only when you choose? Hmmmm...... I don't remember the little boys having much of a choice. hm. Or I know....to make the analogy more precise.... we'll line all of you up and start having something very terrible happen to you - and people will know about it - and when you ask us to stop it - we'll say - OH - how about you talk to these other people..... and those other people won't do anything about it. And then who are you going to be angry at? yes - the people that did the hurting - but maybe also the people who could have stopped it but didn't? Are you so selfish that you have to have an example pointed at you for you to understand what has happened here? Do you care so much about WINNING football games that you have zero interest in the integrity of the program?

You're pissed a man is leaving that flagrantly participated in dirtying your program. Mr. Paterno had the chance to stop the rape of little children. RAPE. Have you forgotten what that is? Have you desensitized fuckwads forgotten what the violation of youth is? However, instead of preventing that rape, instead of acting like a leader, instead of saying, "fuck all if I let shit like that happen on my turf," he referred the person who witnessed it to a different department... or other people. He did nothing. Shit - I think they should all be fired. Everyone connected to it. Everyone that knew. Not just Mr. Paterno. I'm glad he's been removed. I don't give a shit who you are - if you know about something like this and do nothing - you deserve to be fired and more.

Upon further reflection - I would like to add this:

okay - First, I was a little fired up when I wrote this - I would like to re-approach this issue.

Second: Connor - It does follow to me that if you fire Paterno, McQueary should be fired as well. My initial outrage was not over who is and isnt getting fired - what ticked me off was that all of this is going on - Paterno basically knew about it - and didn't do as much as he could do to stop it and people are protesting at his house. There is more action and protesting for this one guy than a million other injustices happening all over the world. That's irritating.

Third: Chesney - I understand that this guy was a good guy etc. and no one would want to know or believe that their friend is a child molester/rapist. But 1. a lot of crimes and aiding and abetting and conspiracy happen in the grey area and that's why I think there should be very strict laws and consequences surrounding this area....that being of child molestation and rape. It is a matter of degree - but most of criminal law is - and I don't think it being a matter of degree is mutually exclusive to it also being a matter of principle. Good people screw up - he screwed up... here is why I think that. It seems to me - the argument in favor of Paterno right now is that he procedurally did what he was supposed to do...procedurally. Here is where I would need a clarification - this Sandunsky guy was still around... did Paterno think Sandunsky's shower time was just a one time deal? Did any recourse actually come out of telling the Athletic Director? And if nothing had changed - then wouldn't Mr. Paterno - and yes, Mr. McQueary have been aware of the possibility that a shower incident could happen again? This is where I think Mr. Paterno and anyone that knew of anything about it - should have themselves made certain that the police knew....

Fourth: I disagree about kicking the rock. I understand the first step - tell someone else etc. But seriously - it's not like, "I saw Sandunsky grab a co-ed on the bottom." It's "I saw Sandunsky rape a boy in the shower"....whoa .... I mean.... come on.... at some point it's like - I don't give a shit if it's your dad - you have to do something if the people you told aren't doing anything. You know about it..... there is a responsibility. And willful ignorance is not a shield.

I would be very interested to know if a conversation ever happened between Paterno and Sandunksy. It would be redeeming to me if Paterno reports that he tried to surreptitiously curtail Sandunsky's access to buildings at certain times. But while that would be redeeming in as much as he was trying to prevent some further harm - it would also be damning as it would show that he was aware and suspicious that something could be happening.... but didn't alert the police.

I guess the thing that really chaps my ass here is that adults (mainly men) seem to always be ready to protect each other in these situations - and who gets hurt? Innocent little kids. LIttle kids.... It just seems ridiculously unjust that the most ardent protection and vigilance wasn't reserved for the children but for Sandunsky. If someone reports something as serious as that - there should be an investigation - full stop. The law and procedures are jacked and I don't think they are necessarily strong enough themselves....so I guess I don't find a lot of peace in the procedural arguments and I think the fury a lot of people feel is also about the justice system in general and it is being directed at Paterno and co.
6 minutes ago ·
Jessica Campbell One last thing - when someone is put on a pedestal - when someone is a "hero" as Paterno is treated - then yeah - they are held to a high standard. So - maybe Paterno is getting a raw deal regarding media and losing his job - but this is a really serious thing - I mean really really serious and damning and I don't think it is inappropriate or an overreaction that he has been fired.

Now there is this: Mexican forces accused of abuses in drug war.

And this is disgusting in a totally different way. It makes her not even pretty. I hope everyone reads this article and when they watch the show they just think about how sick that is. This is the image of beauty normal women are working against?

And this which is just wrong to do to people. What happened to bring me your poor, your hungry....?

And this guy is running for president - kill me now.

I can't take it. I want to crawl in a ball. The world is just way too ridiculous for me tonight. I just wanted to make a schedule for cleaning and daily activities to keep us organized and efficient. I've got to get off this thing or I'm going to blow a gasket.

Ps. sorry about the cussing and graphic language - but sometimes I feel it really is necessary.

Crafty #4 - Reclaim for your Mane

2011-11-08T01:15:00.001-07:00

Again the goddess of Pinterest has visited me. I have found a solution for ruined and too small t-shirts/dresses that you can't donate. My frets of rips and tears have come to an end. I'll say this - the kids actually do pretty well at not ripping that many clothes. Kudos kids. Well done. It just so happens tonight I found some leggings and a dress in Cha's dirty clothes that were ripped. The leggings had an entire butt cheek ripped out. The dress was just a bit ripped on the bottom at the back - but it was enough that it could not be ignored and I didn't know how to fix the dress. So - trash. EXCEPT - now I'm super crafty! So I put the dress in a box with the idea that I'd find something to do with the material. I'm a super saver too! Thrifty and Crafty! Nick is so lucky to have me! ( winky winky)

Carrying on now - I was combing Pinterest (like I do....every night...and sometimes during the day) and came across this gem. I had seen something similar to this that I may try - but it involves a seemingly quite complicated 5 prong braid. Whoa! That's like girl's scouts level. I'm not quite there yet. With the dress in mind - I tossed aside Istanbul (which I'm supposed to be reading for my book club (sorry!)) pulled out the fabric, got my sewing materials and went to work. The girl in the blog has a rad red one...I however started with what I know...black. Just so happens that was the color of Cha's dress. Worked out well.

I sewed the first end together, then braided, then sewed the other end together, then I sewed the two ends together. I picked purple thread for fun... you could also go for the incognito approach...to each their own.

Here are some thoughts - anyone can do this. If I can do this and I'm sew-tarded then anyone with even a modicum of skill could whip these bad boys out in no time. I will tell you - it took me about two hours. I know........ but remember - sew-tarded, don't make fun of me - I have a disability. I am just a little proud that I made something I can wear - so I'm going to post pictures. No making fun of how BLEGH I look either - it's late and I have a headache and I'm tired - but I had to finish the project....then of course write about it. (duh.)

This is a cluster. I was going for durability

as opposed to I don't know....skill? First I want it to stay,

then I'll work on it looking good. No one should see that

party anyway - it goes against my head - so who cares....right?

This is the part that goes away from my head, but

still at the bottom of the head. I don't know if you can tell

but the stitching is not great but not a disaster.

Can you even tell it's braided? Well it is.

So - that's what kept me up tonight. Thrilling eh? I am excited to do a couple more of these. Cha is getting her hair cut similar to mine this weekend so there's an excuse to try some more. I don't know that I'll make many more of the black - but the key here is - I will not freak out if shirts get ruined. Thanks be to the Pinterest goddess who looks out for all of our domestic needs.
(If I come across the fancier version of this I will post that link.)

I got tired of trying to get a decent picture. Thought I'd share
this with you....someone should benefit.
It wasn't until high school that I figured out how to cross my eyes.
Little known fact.

(Beth - I think your girls would love this project - and they could totally do it no problemo.)

Man

2011-11-06T17:20:00.001-07:00

You know that moment when you're out somewhere with your love person and they do something normal - like walk down the shopping aisle. It's a totally normal action but something about the way they do it just makes your heart about explode out of your chest. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And then they go to extra lengths to find your favorite wine and then they say really random funny things ... and for that small moment in time nothing else exists. In that moment you are completely absorbed in fantastic swirls of disney magic fairy tale emotion. They don't last forever, life creeps in and distracts and interrupts. But fairy tales do kind of happen - in a way that has nothing to do with princesses and magic carpets and the like.

SUCCESS! #1

2011-11-04T21:44:00.001-07:00

"Woohoo! You've read all the messages in your inbox"

I think Google knows the struggle this has been, which is why they left me this message when I hit 0 in my inbox. That is just zero unread messages. Now is time for stage 2 - getting rid of the obviously unneeded 'read' mail. I still have 4099 messages in my inbox - so there is still a lot of work to be done - but hey - baby steps!

And yes - it's Friday night - leave me alone - I'm saving money, getting things done and I have to be up at 6:30 am. So - off my back - positive cycles!

Beautiful Clothes

2011-11-03T18:35:00.002-07:00

From 2/26/11

Gucci, Milan Fashion Week, Fall/Winter 2011 Collection

On Saturday morning's when I was little, I would crawl into my mother's bed, she would turn on E! and we would watch fashion shows. We would 'ooh' and 'ahhh' and note that "I love that outfit but I can't imagine wearing it." The suburbs of Kansas City don't inspire a lot of fashion adventures. It was during those times I learned about proportion, flow, color accents, materials etc. I am grateful I had a mother that taught me those things and laughed with me feigning shock when a sheer boob-exposing outfit came down the aisle. Another reason I'm excited about this new blog is because I don't get a lot of time or space to talk about clothes and their artistry, their design, the impact they can make on the wearer and the observer - I'm happy about doing that here. Without further aideu, I present my favorites from my favorite collection of the season so far. Gucci. Gucci straight up nailed it. It's totally 70's in the best of ways.

Note: colorful suede shoes, monochromatic, serious full body flowing outfits, high-waisted wide-leg dress pants, FUR, hats, sunglasses - it's like a 70's movie ready for this fall. Oh and the leather! I love it. I'm particularly excited about high-waisted pants.

I appreciate that these outfits are wearable - you can see how you could put something like this together to wear to the office or a night out on the town. Another great feature is the combination of textures and colors. Enough chatter - here are (a lot) of pictures. I'll not include a caption for every picture because it is all found with one google search - but if you want to see the whole collection, go here. The pictures are small because there are so many - if you click on them, they'll expand for you.

It's an amazing collection - one that has stuck me more than almost any other in recent memory. The flow, the femininity but strength, the over-the-top-ness, the fabrics, the layers - everything - I really really love it. Oh - and don't forget the dark maroon/plum lipstick.

Isabella Blow

2011-11-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

From 2/25/11

Isabella Blow

I hadn't heard about this woman until yesterday, when I heard about her twice. First, Garance Dore (there should be an accent over the 'e' in Dore) dedicated a post to her. That is where I learned that this woman was a 'style icon.' I was a little confused as to how I've not heard of this person. Then Ms. Blow was referenced in the Vogue Lady Gaga article. Apparently Gaga and Blow are very similar. My curiosity peeked- I could take it no longer - it was time for an investigation.

She was born November 19, 1958. She committed suicide, May 7, 2007, ending her life at 48. Like so many creative geniuses she was no stranger to suicidal thoughts and had been unsuccessful in her attempts twice before. She was a Londoner, eccentric, was famous for spotting new fashion talent and larger than life. Larger than life...maybe that is why she felt life did not suit her. On the surface, most notable and most obviously similar to Gaga was her flair for dramatic dress, especially hats.

There is nothing I can include here that a reader could not find with a google search. I will simply include some of my favorite images of this incredible woman.

QUESTION

2011-11-03T13:34:00.001-07:00

Alright - I know a bunch of you people read this and never comment. This one time I'm asking your feedback - please respond - this has to do with you.

1. Do you ever refer to the stuff on the side of the posts: the books, the label list, the lists of fun things to read etc.?

2. Do you ever read the LINKED WITHIN posts at the bottom of a post?

Google/Blogger released new templates that are very snazzy looking - BUT - they eliminate all these other features. I am tempted and lured in by the new format - it is clean - it is accessible once you get used to it - but it does get rid of some things I like.

So - please leave your input. Thank you.

Oh - also - Nick has moved Closing In into a fancy new .com - so if you want to follow him or if you already do you need to update your reader or you won't get updated about his new posts.

Closing-in-art.com

Check it out. Lots of new things coming from his world.

Bad Dream

2011-11-03T11:49:00.003-07:00

Last night was the second time I've had a dream about having cancer. I don't remember what kind of cancer or where I had it in the first dream. Last night I had breast cancer. I had just found out and was on my way to an appointment with a specialist, and then waiting for the specialist. Nick was with me and I was extremely glad. I handled it as I handle all overwhelming things; emotionless at first and then once I've mentally recognized and processed it - a flood of emotions - primarily fear and anger in this case.

I had gone to the DR. because something was wrong with my knee. That's when they found the cancer in my breast. How that worked, I don't know - dreamland. I was not a great patient. I was so pissed about having cancer and I wouldn't let them give me a shot in my bottom. Again...dreamland logic. I relied on Nick a lot. He was brilliant as I'm sure he would be in real life. He was calm, he tried to calm me, he was strong and sweet. I was a crazed woman filled with fear and anger.

Upon awakening I realized - I know only the basics about cancer. I know it is genetic? and not genetic? I know it can be slow or fast. I know it can be removed with surgery but sometimes you have to chemo it out. I know chemo makes you feel sick and weak and it makes your hair fall out. I know you go into "remission" where the cancer is gone .... but it could come back? The whole thing is terrifying.

I've lost good friends to cancer, I've had family survive it, I have a wonderful friend that survived it but lost the bottom part of her leg (from the knee down.) These people are all incredibly strong and wonderful. I don't know that I would be strong. I think I would be a real loser cancer patient. I would try to be as strong as possible - but really I think I would just be scared I was going to die and angry that this thing is attacking me and consuming my life. The thing is - I'm not scared to give my life if I'm in Africa helping orphans or something - but to be taken out by cancer? No. I do not want to go down like that.

Maybe we're all weak when we head into something like that. Maybe it's at the peaks of fear and depression and desire to just die that we find the strength to fight some more. Maybe it is at those times that we pinpoint what exactly we live for and those things become more real, more vibrant and more meaningful in our lives. I hope that after I got done crying I would feel that way.

I have to say - I hate cancer. I hate how indiscriminate it is. I hate that is has zero regard for age, gender, family, health or unhealth - it strikes - it hits and it doesn't give a damn who you are, how old you are, if you have children or a spouse, if you have insurance or not, if you take care of yourself or not. It's bullshit. It is probably the most bullshit thing in the world today. Cancer is evil. It makes me angry now just to think of its inherent injustice.

More than anything though - I don't want to get cancer because I don't want the lives of my loved ones to be consumed with it either. I don't want people to fear for my life, to worry for me, to cry about me, to pray for me. I don't want the children to have to deal with something like that. My cousin recently overcame breast cancer. She has three kids. I can't imagine what that was like. I talked to my aunt about it and she immediately welled up talking about how scared they were. I do not want that for my mom, I do not want that for my dad, my sister, Nick - anyone.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I wonder if my body is trying to tell me something. Do I have cancer now and I just don't know it? This is slightly irrational - but what if our bodies do try to tell us things? I don't have insurance right now - so it would be pretty bad if I got cancer right now. But isn't that the way life works? Right when it would be the worst time - BAM - something happens. I've often feared for Nick and I that right when we are at peaks of happiness that one of us would get killed in a car wreck that wasn't our fault. We give each other sweet kisses, one of us gets in the car to go somewhere and 5 minutes later someone runs a red light and BAM. The other would be forever wrecked. Life is a bitch sometimes.

Life is a bitch and cancer is its sidekick. One of the friends I lost to cancer was Spencer Green. Spencer was amazing. Everyone knew Spencer. I don't feel right saying "I" lost Spencer.... or "I" lost a friend - the world lost Spencer, we all lost Spencer. He was talented, brilliant, witty, strong - incredible. I think he first learned about his cancer our sophomore year that would be 2002/2003. he struggled with it until he died in 2007. I still can't listen to his music without crying. I don't want anyone I know to go through that. I remember hearing he died. Lacy and I were at work in OKC at Charleston's. We could barely function that afternoon. Cancer is evil and it scares the shit out of me. I know deep down I'm a fighter, that I'd give cancer the finger every step of the way - but you don't feel like fighting every day. I'm sure there would be days I just cried. I'm not really sure where or how to end this - especially since it is all based on a dream I had.

I guess I'll end with this: My strongest love and empathy go to those who struggle with cancer, have lost someone to cancer and work to find cures to cancer. Cancer is definitive evil. I hate it and I hurt for all who hurt because of it.

Random Hump Day Part Deux

2011-11-02T17:07:00.000-07:00

Painting. This will be the first time I've painted since August. It is difficult to get back into the flow of painting. It is difficult for whatever part of my brain understands color and images to connect to the part that knows how to get those colors and images onto canvas via a knife/brush and paints. It does not come naturally to me and I require practice to produce something notable. Not even notable actually, just not shitty. Nick does it naturally and I find that enviable. But hey - we all have our things right?

So I'm painting.

The crockpot chicken thing turned out well. So easy. We will definitely repeat this one.

We are drinking mulled wine - well actually - we HAVE BEEN drinking mulled wine - I'm on the last mug of it - and we're to normal wine now.

We're listening to Fleetwood Mac...and facing the dilemma of - what does one listen to after the MAC? I guess we'll see when we get there. In the meantime - I love this song - but wow - another awful video haha.

After Fleetwood Mac - Emiliana Torini - specifically wonderful was Me and Armini. Now it's Ellie Goulding. Lovely. Ellie turned into the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. Now it's the new(ish) Kate Nash.

Painted this tonight.

work in progress

different work in progress

Random Wednesday HUMP DAY!!!!!

2011-11-02T11:31:00.001-07:00

UN - I've been promising pictures of our new living situation and I've been terrible about pulling out the camera when things are actually clean. So I'm just going to have to get them up in pieces.

Here is our supafly MTV cribs style desk where I sit and type and such.

Our desk. I love it.
There is tons of space...that is filled at the mo.
I love the multiple layers.
To the far left you can see in the corner another
piece of drawers. It is so mice to have an
established thinking space.

Janis, the Grandparents, French, etc. I love it!!!

DEUX - Florence + the Machine's Ceremonials is out in the US as of yesterday - do you have it yet? You should - it's great.

TROIS - I appreciate how pesto makes dinner so easy. Thank you pesto for so easily going on pasta to create a tasty and instant meal. Thanks for being you dude.

QUATRE - I am not a fan of Egypt ignoring women's rights in their rebuilding process. This is a huge failure. There is not a single woman on the committee to rewrite the constitution. Fail fail fail. Not to mention "virginity checks"? WHAT!? This stuff makes me so mad I mentally shut down a little. It's like there is no way to express the level of outrage I feel so my brain goes into shutdown and 'focus on something else" mode.

CINQ - I do not like to run outside when it is cold - it feels like the air is attacking my throat and lungs. I am not a fan at all. I was only able to do one mile last night because I could no longer breathe. Not awesome at all. It is super snowy out today - so not outside run - but I must still do my set ... guess I'll tack a little arm action on to hit 30 minutes.

SIX- When I write with a pencil it must be very sharp. I do not like using a dull pencil. Tuck that away in the back of your head ... never know when you'll need to know that about me.

SEPT - Carrying on with the description of my situation here: I have had the humidifier going all day yesterday and today in the room - where I am sitting - at my awesome desk. I do not want to live in a dry heated room - that is the worst. Well - not the worst - but it's not pleasant. It is nicely humid in here. Yesterday afternoon and today I have put a couple drops of lavender and peppermint essential oils in the diffuser and they have been diffused into the air of the room. It is heaven. Well not heaven - but it's pretty dang good.

HUIT - Speaking of heaven - you know that 80's song... "they say in heaven - love comes first - ooh heaven is a place on earth." I was mugging down with the man the other day and that song just POPPED into my head. It was all i could do to stay focused and not just start laughing - though I think when we stopped kissing for a second I did sing a little bit of the song. I always feel guilty when that happens - like I should not think about anything else except lips, tongue, hands etc. but weird stuff pops into my brain.

I went ahead and looked up the video - it is a genuinely awful music video:

A few questions: 1. what's with the weird kids holding the globes? I get it - earth. But why masks? And why the spinning? Who wants to get dizzy watching a music video? 2. Why is Ms. Carlisle singing in a corner? "Nobody puts baby in the corner!" 3. Why wear a bedazzled tube top and then just cover it up with a big oversized purple cardigan? I know the 1980's were a confused time for fashion - but that's just silly? Was it really cold in the studio? What was happening there?

NEUF - Okay - here is another picture of what is going on in our room. It's not a great picture because I can't be bothered and this isn't a home decor blog. But - here they are - a collage/decopage thingy. Eventually there may be a third...we'll see if inspiration strikes.

DIX - I love words that are the same in English as the other language here is a small list of French words I am thankful for: organiser, accompagner, arriver, continuer, copier, danser, decider, detester, diner, fonder, inviter, passer, refuser, retourner.

I also like words that are similar enough to an english meaning of the word that they are easy to remember - or at least - to recognize: aider, allumer, chanter, demander, desirer, marcher, traverser.

Finally I also like words that are similar to the Spanish equivalent: discuter, enseigner, etudier, garder, habiter, laver, penser, saluer, voler.

I especially love words that are the same in French, English and Spanish: pratiquer, preparer, presenter, accepter, adorer, decider, imprimer. Alright enough of the words. (there should be some accents on those words but I can't be bothered to figure out how to type french accents right now)

ONZE - I'm in a book club. A book club - you read that correctly. For our first book we read Jennifer Egan's A Visit From the Goon Squad. This month we are reading Orhan Pamuk's Istanbul. It's pretty intense. More on this later. I will say this - if you are looking for an interesting read - Good Squad is it. Originally it was a collection of short stories Egan wrote for The New Yorker and she turned it into a book. So if you need to put the book down because of schedule etc. you can- there are nice natural breaks - but if you get sucked in - that's good too. There is a musical underlining to it which is really nice - and it is socially contemporary - which is also good. I recommend it. I'll let you know about Istanbul later - though it did win Pamuk the Nobel Prize for literature - so it can't be too bad.

DOUZE - I have not been winning my battle with my gmail inbox. It's ridiculous. My inbox is like one of those mythical creatures....a hydra? maybe? you cut off its head and three more grow back!! I've been down in the 500's several times - but I'm up in the 1200's again. How!!!!!????? I am determined though. I will win. I will conquer my own inbox. The problem is - I'm an email hoarder. I'm a pack rat - I don't like to delete things. I wouldn't toss out personal letters someone wrote me - so I feel guilty tossing emails. So that's one issue. But then there are emails of cool music or news stories that I may need to refer to later on - or don't have time to read right now - so they sit there - in my inbox - waiting for this magic time when I'll have time to read them. I feel guilty about deleting news emails without reading them. I have to read them all - it is news - it is important - especially when it's Human Rights Watch or International Crisis or Foreign Policy - those must all be read. It's sick really. I have a problem. oof.

TREIZE - I am in love with Pinterest. If you are not on Pinterest I pity you. Actually I know it's just not for some people - I did a really enthusiastic pitch to my sister and she just looked at me deadpan and said, "that does not sound interesting at all." Okay - so some people don't like to share ideas....that's fine.... okay. I, on the other hand, love it. I have gotten so many recipe ideas and I have had a great time trying them. We tried THESE EGG things today.

pre-bake

After 30 min at 375

Alright here's the deal: we are not enthusiastic about this recipe. The texture is not as dense as a quiche - they are kind of rubbery. I wonder if we added some milk - made them a bit more like quiche if that would help. We weren't exactly bold in our flavoring either so they were a little bland. I might give them one more shot next weekend - cross-reference a quiche recipe - and do better with flavor - though we did add bacon, garlic, cheese, onion, ground black pepper and salt and Nick added jalapenos to his.... hard to know how much more or what more we could add. We'll see.

Later tonight we're trying another Pinterest find: Crockpot Chicken Tacos. If I remember or care or have time maybe I'll report on how they turned out.

Stage one. Took all of 2 minutes to dump the stuff in.

QUATORZE - H&M opens in Denver November 10th. THAT IS EIGHT DAYS FROM NOW!!!!! I may explode with excitement. Just as it's starting to get really cold here - H&M opens and allows me the opportunity to find some gems to complete my winter wardrobe. I am a happy girl.

Crap TV

2011-11-01T15:03:00.001-07:00

I gave up tv a long time ago, basically when I moved to college. Since then I've seen some tv here and there and still have a few shows I like. What I have missed out on though is this fascination with people's lives. Specifically - people's lives who are a train wreck - people who are monsters (Toddlers and Tiaras) - people with extreme disorders of one kind or another - girls who got pregnant in high school. I really do not get it.

My anger book presents good theories about why people talk trash on others and it has me wondering. I wonder: do people like watching train wrecks on tv because it makes them feel better about their less than great lives? Shouldn't we be sickened? Why let that come into our houses? Why expose our children to something like that? Why allow our little girls to see 16 and pregnant? Are people not aware that children think "if it is on TV it must be positive" - "People on TV are famous" - "what famous people do is good" - they don't understand the intricacies of adult fascinations - they don't understand the concepts undergirding reality tv and they just think it is ok.

In thinking about cycles of positivity and negativity - this seems like a clearly negative cycle. TV watching almost by default goes in my negative cycle category - but I know it's not always negative - but let's be honest and admit that TV watching is not a pure positive - there are easy potentialities for negativity. So the tv - then you have a person who may or may not feel good/bad about themselves watching it - then he/she watches things to make his/herself feel better - it is very subtle - it is in the deep subconscious - and negative ideas and images creep into the house.

Now - I will say this - I've never seen 16 and Pregnant - and I hope there is a positive message that even if you have made an unwise decision and wide up pregnant before it is advisable - life is not over - there are options - you can still have a wonderful life. But when my 6 year-old step-daughter tells me she wants to have a baby at 16 - it is hard for me not to freak out. "NO! NO!" I want to yell. "NO!!! There is so much more to life - NO! you don't understand the responsibility - NO! You are not allowed to limit yourself like that! NO! You need more time to invest in yourself to develop on your own as an independent person - to reach a full matured adulthood - to have time to see the world!! NOOOO!!!!!" If she were ever to become pregnant at 16 I would love her as much as I have and do - but there are some ideas that need not be glorified - not celebrated.

I don't understand why people watch stupid tv - I don't understand why they are entertained by the tragedy of other people's mistakes and struggles - I don't understand why they infuse those images and ideas in their homes - I don't understand why they expose their children to it. It seems plainly unhealthy to me. I just don't understand. Bob Dylan says, "Don't criticize what you can't understand." I may be bordering on infringement of this axiom - but really - I really just don't understand.

Positive/Negative

2011-11-01T09:58:00.001-07:00

In honor of Movember (I'm still using the name - yeah - I'm defiant!) I've quit smoking....again. haha.

I had successfully pretty much completely quit when I moved to Denver. That was 2008. I would have small lapses partying with the folks in OKC when I would visit but for the most part I was completely finished - it was in no way part of my ordinary daily life. This summer sort of shot that in the foot. My general lack of concern for my life/health/ and feeling I had nothing left to lose made smoking cigarettes seem really trivial at the time. I don't know if it is because it is just so cheap in Latin America or if travellers are just a big bunch of smokers - but it seemed like 98% of people I knew this summer smoked. Not the best. So I picked up the habit. I was going pretty strong through August as well. Nothing like a little emotional and relational turmoil to help push a bad habit. I've been weaning through Sept./Oct. but now it's time to make the final cut. I want my lungs to be healthy, I want to know I am taking care of myself. Nick is weaning too. He had more or less completely quit but he too started up again this summer. He's on his own path though. But I think he is headed the direction of completely quitting.

All of this makes me think of positive and negative life/living cycles. These are the cycles of behavior that we get in and one thing leads to another in a negative way or a positive way. It always starts with a choice between two things - the negative or the positive choice. Generally the more fun v. the more responsible choice. (typically at least) Here is an example:

To go or not to go to happy hour instead of studying? Happy Hour! Negative consequence - no studying, spend money, make oneself more or less useless for the rest of the night, eat crap food, don't clean, don't read, watch something on tv/compy, don't exercise, spend loads of time on FB or other, probably keep drinking and spending more money. Negative cycle - go to sleep late, sleep in, have hangover, crave burger and bloody mary, spend more money, it is now 1 pm - you have not done anything productive - most of the day is gone, don't exercise b/c you still feel like shiz, probably take a nap furthering your lack of productivity, this does nothing to help your view of yourself as a productive member of society - feel like a lazy piece of crap, this zaps motivation for later in the day, feel the day is wasted, do very little, but you've taken a nap so you're up late. Day 3 - wake up late b/c you were up late last night - now feel stressed because you haven't done anything for two days. Feel like you can't work out because you haven't done so in several days and you don't have time because you have to do everything you were supposed to do in the last 2 days TODAY! but you have to go grocery shopping because you're out of food or the food you bought has gone off because you haven't been eating it. the apartment/house is now messy from two days of laziness - you're frustrated - you wonder when you'll ever learn. You try to focus but you're so stressed and pissed at yourself that you can barely see straight. Spend two hours cleaning and journalling trying to get to a point you can focus. At 3 pm you're finally able to focus - have to ignore others so you can get things done - thereby hindering relationships. Etc. ........ negative.

I think it is pretty easy to see how you can turn that around for yourself. But I will give a little example:

To go or not to go to happy hour instead of studying? Study. (you may not be as excited about it - but you know it is the better thing to do) Positive consequences: feel like positive responsible person, get things done on time, save money, drink water and juice instead of wine and/or beer, eat healthy food, have time and energy to go on a run, drink more water because your body craves it, get more stuff done, cleaning seems easy compared to run - get apartment straightened, natural endorphins race though your body making you happy. Your body is weary from the work out and your brain is weary from studying - you go to bed at a decent time - you wake up at a decent time. More water, coffee, you feel good about yourself, about life and you're ready for what today will bring. ...... go from here......

I'm not saying drinking is bad - I'm saying I have noticed the DRAMATIC difference in my life between the times that I make positive choices and negative choices. Movember isn't just about working out - it's about kick starting more positive choices - to get my life working in the correct direction. I want a snowball-to-avalanche of positivity. It is interesting how cavalier we treat our time, health and energy. We don't value and protect it like we should. We eat crap food, sit on our butts, drink pure unhealth, fill our mindless with useless things instead of helpful or edifying things. We may be the worst things for ourselves and it's so stupid because it's just up to us to make more positive choices. When I write it out like this I really feel like an idiot. But - you live - you learn. No time like the present - as I've said - I'm on it. Positivity woo!

Here's another example of positivity - (not to steal Mr. Man's thunder) but he got up, had some coffee, took off to a coffee shop to see if they would hang his work, took a risk, put himself out there, and BAM! Success! He is in! He'll be showing his art Dec/Jan. This will get him increased exposure - even if it just sits there at least it is in public and is more likely to generate discussion than sitting in our storage. He gets a boost to his confidence - he feels emboldened to paint more - he paints more - accumulates more stuff to have a show - has show - sells some paintings - etc etc etc. Positive cycles. Positive progress.

MOVEMBER

2011-10-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

We are moving. Well I am moving. Out of Flabbytown and into Fab City. (that was cheesy I know - deal with it.)

I saw this on pinterest and I'm taking the challenge: You have to do this set (below) everyday for 30 days. I figure - add in some running - and we'll be lookin' fine in no time.

Source: gonnagiveallmysecretsaway.tumblr.com via Jessica on Pinterest

It seems like the first thing that goes out the window when I'm even the least bit busy or tired is exercise. Enough! It's time to get hard core to get a hard core. (I'm full of them today - watch out!) I did three miles yesterday and this set and I'm a tid bit sore but not too bad. The kids tried to do it with me and I smoked them - so at least there's that. It's ridiculously beautiful out today and I'm going to repeat what I did yesterday.

I heard/read somewhere that 30 minutes of exercise is enough. On days when I can devote an hour - bonus. But - I'm not going to just not work out because "it's not worth it" if I only have 30 minutes- because it is worth it - because it is enough. Win.

I'm sick and tired of feeling flabby. It's not so I can lose weight or look a certain way - for the most part I'm pretty fine with my appearance. I mean - size 2 - I can't really complain. But I know it's skinny fat. Not good. I feel better about life and myself if I know I can go out and run around and lift and be strong and tough. So - it's time to get back in shape and November seems like a good month for it and thus I have redubbed it Movember. I know - I'm so clever it astounds you.

I'm not talking anything dramatic - I just want to tone and feel in shape. This is a subtle improvement. A little less mush and jiggle. A little more hotty wiggle? I don't know. Anyway - this is going to be one of my focuses this month and I'm excited about it. Not much else to say on the subject so I'll wrap it up and just say I'm excited it is so unseasonably warm and I will embrace it as long as it lasts. Then I'll be scamming every gym in the area for free trial memberships - which I hope will get me through the winter - then it's back to working out outside.

Cheers to being as foxy as we can. Hip Hip Hooray!